Mommys Busy Take A Number 2 On My Chest

Cool But Crazy

2006-07-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all your cooling off suggestions!

I went shopping yesterday for a new air conditioner. When I came home I went to the bedroom to put on my bikini to be cooler until Pookie hooked up the new a/c when he got home from work. I walked into the bedroom to see a scary surprise. My bedroom had been torn apart! Clothes were everywhere. On the bed, the floor, hanging off the lamps and the ceiling fan. My leather whip was also hanging from the ceiling fan. Drawers were open and on the floor. All of my toys were all over the place as well. All of my stuff had been gone through and thrown around the room. The polaroids that Pookie took of me a few weeks ago were everywhere (and now that I think of it they are kind of sticky).The sheets were ripped off the bed and the mattress was half on the floor. I ran to the phone and called 911 to report I had been robbed. Luckily the kids had a play date so they were not home. The police showed up pretty quickly. I was in the front yard pacing, scared to go back inside in case someone was still there. The police went in and made sure no one was there hiding. They then had me come in to tell them what had been taken. I was dumbfounded. I just assumed I had been robbed because the place was a mess. I did not actually notice if anything was actually missing. The cops took pictures and dusted for fingerprints, which they did not find. They could not find any signs of forced entry. They then asked me to look around and see what if anything was missing. I was feeling so flustered with so many emotions. It took awhile to go through everything. I put things away while I tried to think of what might not be there. The police were very kind which made it a lot easier on me. I was feeling a bit foolish and embarrassed. I eventually realized the only thing I did not see was that hot red outfit Chester bought me. It could have been anywhere in the house or in the mess. I did not think it was significant so I did not tell it to the police. They hung out in the kitchen eating some muffins I had made for breakfast. They said it could just be some sick peeping tom. They said there was a few reports in the area recently. They eventually left and I sat on the couch feeling mentally and physically exhausted. Just then Pookie came home with the kids and I realized in all the craziness I forgot to call and tell him what had happened. I sent the kids to their play room with some soda and gummy worms to keep them busy long enough for me to fill Pookie in. He was concerned but felt better that nothing was really taken. We are getting new locks on the doors and Pookie is thinking of getting one of those security systems. I just feel really violated. I want to know who did this and why. I am thinking of hiring Chester to keep an eye on the house for me and maybe find out who did this. Whew! If it is not one thing it is another in my world! At least now I am nice and cool. Toodles!

Slipping, Sliding, And Sweating

2006-07-17T20:48:00.000-05:00

It is just so darn hot here in Texas. And our air conditioner has died. I am so glad it is sexy when women sweat because I am doing a lot of it! I am just wearing my bikini around the house. No point in soaking my clothes. And it is a lot more comfortable in this heat. It is as close to naked as I can get to, which is my favorite way to be. If I were not a mommy I would always be naked. Except for when the occasion called for some lingerie, of course!

Last night after the kids went to sleep Pookie and I slid on their Slip N' Slide in the back yard, naked. It was so fun and refreshing after such a long hot day. And slippery sex on a Slip N' Slide beats a rubber sheet and Crisco any day!

Anyone have any suggestions on other good ways to cool off?

Toodles!

Back On The Saddle

2006-07-09T11:31:00.000-05:00

I am still here everyone. Thank you so very much for your kind words. I am sorry to be a stranger. I was real sad for awhile, but I am doing much better now. To make a very detailed and long story short, and to keep me from talking about something that hurt, I will just give a briefing of why I was so down in the dumps. After our glorious day together, Anita went full fledged hard core lesbian. That would be great except she is now married to a full fledged butch lesbian named Roberta Rider. I guess our day of passion released more in her than I thought. I should not have been so bothered by it, Anita began as just a MILF to me. But we became friends and I developed feelings for her on our special day. No I did not want to leave my Pookie and run away with her forever. But I thought we had something special, with maybe the occasional 4some with our husbands. But oh well! I am over it now! Pookie had noticed I was real down and was great bringing me home gifts for bedroom use. And Chester sent me flowers again! I just love that sweet man. Well now that I am feeling back to my regular self I will not be such a stranger. Thank you all for your support! I love you all! Toodles!

Send Me Some Love

2006-06-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

Hello my dear readers. I am just posting to let you know I am here and have not abandoned my loyal readers. I know you all look forward to reading about me. I am too sad to write lately. I will fill you all in as soon as I feel up to it. Send me some well wishes. I love your comments! Toodles!

What I Wanted, And More......

2006-06-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

One morning last week after making blueberry pancakes for breakfast, I decided that I needed to cheer Anita up. Pookie was taking a sick day from work, so he was home to keep a eye on Billy Ray. I kind of rocked Pookie too hard the night before and he fell off the counter top and ended up with a doosie of a headache. But Billy Ray is so easy to take care of while he is watching cartoons all day. You just gotta throw some milk and some of my special chocolate chip cookies his way and he is a little angel. So Pookie did not mind me going out.

I took a nice hot bubble bath and put on my sexiest perfume. I put on a tight little tank that shows off my girls really well and little matching lacey skirt. I bought some gourmet chocolates and wine and headed over to Anita's house. Her husband answered the door, he was on his way back to work from lunch. He told me Anita was back in the bedroom and directed me there. I was so glad he was leaving! I knocked on the door and told her it was me. She told me to come in. She was laying in bed in a short black silk nightgown and matching robe. She was depressed but happy to see me. I poured her some wine and told her it was time to cheer up. We drank some wine and had the yummy chocolates. We just sat there having fun but serious girl talk on her bed. She told me how she felt like she was going through her mid life crisis early. She was sad that her son is old enough to be having sex. It made her feel old. And it being with a teacher made her feel like she was not a good mother by not teaching her son better morals. It also bothered her that a woman her age had the hots for her son. I told her that was all nonsense. She should be happy that her son is so hot that a older woman wants him. After awhile she seemed to feel better and we got to talking to other things. We were laughing, drinking, and just having a good time. I almost forgot that I wanted to seduce her so badly. After awhile she told me how much she appreciated me coming by and that I had really helped. She leaned over and gave me a hug. A really long, tight hug. I then remember how badly I wanted her and I got all damp and tingly. I told her that being there for her was what friends were for and rubbed her back slowly and gently. She then let go of our hug and looked at me face to face very closely and said she had never met anyone like me who seemed to care so genuinely. She then leaned forward and gave me the sweetest, warmest, most tender kiss I ever had. We opened our lips just ever so gently as we kissed. She then pulled back and we just looked at each other eye to eye for a few moments. Then as if a race shotgun just went off, we both went for it a lightening speed! We were groping and kissing like little teenage girls! She caressed my thigh and I caressed her breasts. They were so full and firm. We wanted each other so badly but we just grouped each other as long as we could to enjoy the longing we had for each other. We made each other cum in a ecstasy I don't think either of us had ever known. It was so beautiful! The time flew by even though we went for hours. When we were so exhausted and could go no more we just layed in bed holding each other until we drifted off to sleep. We later woke to a door and realized it was her husband coming home from work. We quickly dressed just by the time he got back to the bedroom. He asked if we had a fun girls day. We looked at each other with a meaningful but also playful look and said "YES" together. I then told them I had to get home and cook dinner for my family. Anita offered to walk me to the door while her husband got undressed from work. On my way out we shared another tender sweet kiss. She thanked me and said that the day would mean more to her than I would ever know. I said I felt the same way. She said we would see each other again soon and I eagerly agreed. I drove home thinking of how badly I had wanted Anita for her body. But now that I had had her, if was feeling like I wanted her for a lot more. I felt like I was falling in love..............
Toodles.

Updates On Me!

2006-05-30T11:49:00.000-05:00

Well well, I need to update my readers on my life lately. I was getting worried about Anita because she was not returning my calls. Finally her hubby answered and said that she has been staying in bed all depressed. A teacher at her sons school heard about him measuring his manhood and apparently she was impressed with how he measured up. Anita caught them having sex in his room one night. School does not end until next week but he graduated a bit early I guess. Poor Anita. I plan on stopping by soon to cheer her up.

It was a beautiful day yesterday so we went for a family walk. Pookie pulled the boys in a wagon. Just as we got started we saw a man in his car laying in the back seat. We were not sure if he was sleeping or dead so Pookie knocked on the window. He popped right up and then I saw it was Chester! He said he was working on a case and fell asleep the night before. He must have been on a long stake out. He had camera's and fast food trash all over his car. Being the nosy neighbor I am, I asked if he could tell me who he was watching. But being the professional that he is he could not tell me.

Pookie bought me a gift just to say he loves me. It is a double penetration vibrator called a Juicy Deuce. Oh how I love it!!! And Pookie loves it too! It is such a versatile toy for us both! I highly recommend it! Toodles!

I Need Anita

2006-05-17T20:12:00.000-05:00

So sorry I had to run so quick. That darn kid has a fascination with sticking food up his nose. If I did not know better I would swear he was a crack baby.

Anyway where was I? Ok, Anita and I got to her place where we were alone and she was nice and tipsy. I was so hot and excited. She went into the bathroom and I waited for her in the living room. I sat there wondering how hard it was going to be to have my way with her. I wore a sexy black lacy thong for the occasion. And it was damp. After about 10 minutes I was wondering what she was doing. I decided to go check on her. But as I got up her damn husband and teenage son walked in the front door.

Apparently the kid had been suspended and had to be picked up from school. He got caught measuring his dick with a ruler in front of the whole class while the teacher had left the room and then came back.

Well anyway, I introduced myself. And about that time Anita finally came back downstairs. I was so disappointed! If the husband came home alone we could have worked him into the fun somehow. But with the kid home my plans were cancelled. We had so much fun though we planned to get together again soon. Next time, I am not going to let anything get in the way of having my way with Anita!Until then, I am thinking of her when I have my daily afternoon fun with my hummy! Which by the way, it's about that time! Toodles!

Happy Tuesday

2006-05-16T12:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Tuesday everyone! What a busy week I have had! The life of this super mommy never calms down. Billy Ray got Fruit Loops stuck in his nose again and this time I could not get them out. So that was a trip to the ER. I made sure to sneak some of those purple rubber gloves. They have so many good uses. They entertain the kids, are good for housework, and you never know when you might need a rubber glove in the bedroom. Anyway, there are no longer Fruit Loops in our home.

I ran into Chester again while leaving the grocery store. He seems to be doing okay. It is just so funny how I keep running into him. He had a bunch of camera equipment with him. I guess he was on a case.

Well I know you all have been waiting in anticipation to read about my lunch date with the MILF. Her name is Anita. She has long wavy auburn hair green eyes, and nice long legs. And her boobs are so nice and perky! She just makes me cream my panties. We had a great time. I made sure to order us a bottle of wine to loosen her up a bit. I had the feeling she was not experienced with "girl love". We talked about our boobs and our husbands performance, normal girl chat. I made sure to always keep her wine glass full. At the end of lunch she realized she forgot the ritalin at home, and she felt she had too much to drink. So I drove her home. Her kids were in school and I was so excited, it was all working out so perfectly! No one was home and she was nice and tipsy. And........OH NO! Bobby John is hollering that Billy Ray has goldfish crackers up his nose now! I will finish this as soon as I can.............so sorry! Toodles!

Some Sadness and Excitement

2006-05-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

Today I had to go to the post office. I had to return a movie that Pookie ordered online. It seemed to be a good movie. It had award winning actors and great action scences. But who wants to watch a cheerleader in her first girl threesome, if you can't hear how she likes that double ended dildo? Something was defective with that DVD. I do hope the company will replace it.

Anywho, as I was leaving the post office guess who I ran into? Chester! The kind man I helped at the adult store who sent me the roses as a thank you. I told him what a nice surprise it was to see him and he said the same. I thanked him for the roses. He said it was the least he could do. I asked him if my help helped him and his wife. He said that the very day I helped him, he came home and his wife had left him! Oh I felt so bad for poor Chester. I reached out and hugged him and he rested his head in between my girls. I felt something hard poking me in the thigh. I asked him if he was a police officer. He said no why did I ask. And I told him I felt the gun in his pocket. He stuttured a bit, then said he guessed he could trust me. He said that he was a private eye and carried the gun for protection. I told him that was just so neat and he blushed a bit. I told him if he needed any help or someone to talk to that I would be happy to help. He seemed so happy when I said that.I then told him I must be on my way because I had lots of mommy errands to run. But Chester was on my mind all afternoon. I felt so bad for that dear man.

Oh and I must not forget to tell you all about my big lunch date tomorrow with the MILF! I am oh so excited! I called her and told her I needed some more ritalin. She said we needed to arrange a place to meet. Being that I would like to get to know her better, I suggested lunch. So tonight I am going through my closet to put together the sexiest outfit to make her as wet as she makes me! Wish me luck to get lucky! Toodles!

My New Secret Ingredient

2006-04-30T09:51:00.000-05:00

What a wonderful weekend! I have been playing Betty Cocker and making chocolate chip cookies for the boys. They absolutely love them. I got to talking to a MILF in the grocery store the other day and she told me that her secret ingredient in her cookies is ritalin. I asked her what aisle it was in and she said they did not sell it at grocery stores because it is a specialty item. She told me that she has her own business she does from home and she sells it among many other hard to find products. So when I left she gave me a sample bottle and her phone number in case I like it and want to buy more. I don't know what it is about this secret ingredient but it is amazing. The kids like the cookies so much that they are listening and being so well behaved. They have just been little quiet angels all weekend. Since they love the cookies so much and behave so well for them I am definitely going to get more ritalin. I am going to have to give the MILF a call. I want more, but not just of the ritalin. Toodles!

Roses... For Me!

2006-04-25T12:38:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was in the bathtub having a good time with the water massager when I heard the doorbell. I quicky wrapped myself in a towel and ran to the door. I was pleasantly surprised to see a delivery man with a dozen beautiful red roses! I was so surprised I put my hands on my cheeks and let out a squeal of delight. I grabbed the vase, thanked the delivery man with the wide open eyes, and shut the door. I then realized that I had dropped my towel when I squealed! Oh well! I guess I gave the delivery man a tip! I ran to the kitchen naked, wet, and soapy. I am not usually big on flowers but this was such a nice surprise!I put the vase on the table and grabbed the card to read how much Pookie loves me.

"Thank you so much beautiful Ann. You don't know the wonderful way that you helped me. Sincerely Yours, Chester"

I must have really helped Chester's sex life! I feel so good for what I did all over again! It was so kind of him to send me roses. I wonder how he knew where I live? Anyway, I have to go now and get the the Fruit Loops out of Billy Rays nose. Toodles!

Red Hot Helper

2006-04-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

TGIF! I am so happy! Another week for this hard working hot milf is over! Granted I never get a break from being mommy. But Fridays still get me feeling perky. I decided to have a "ME" day. So I went and had a mani/pedi. I got my nails done in a shade of red like they wear in the movies! All the massaging of my feet during my pedi got my panties damp. So afterwards I went to the adult toy store just to see what might strike my fancy. I was looking at some black leather corsets and thigh highs, when I noticed a man staring at me. He was kind of geeky looking with his glasses and comb over. And he looked really nervous. When he realized I saw him staring, he apologized. He said that he had never been in adult store before. But his wife wanted to spice up their sex life, so he thought he would buy her some lingerie. But he did not know what to get or her size. He seemed so sweet and was so nervous he could not look me in the eye. He kept staring at my chest. I felt kind of bad for him, so I offered to help. He said that I was about his wife's size but he was not sure. So he asked me if I would maybe try a few things on for him. Being the helpful woman that I am I could not refuse. He picked out a red leather teddy with red fish net stockings. Perfect I thought for my nails! I went into the dressing room and took everything off, even my panties. I do not care what those strips in the crotch say, you can not really see and feel the fit with your panties on. I slid the thigh highs up my leg carefully and slowly so I could admire my red nails. And I then put the teddy on. I looked so hot! I wished I could play with the girl in that mirror! I opened the curtain and the man was standing there waiting. He was quiet for a few moments, thinking if the outfit would fit and look good on his wife. He then said "WOW" and that he thought it would fit perfectly, he was going to buy it. I told him I was glad I could help and went back in to change. As I was putting my clothes on, I saw the mans shoes go into the dressing room beside me. Then a few seconds later I heard a loud groan. That poor man must have been so nervous and then finally relieved to have some help. I felt so glad that I helped this kind stranger! As I was leaving he asked for the outfit to purchase. I told him I liked it so much I was going to buy it for myself as well. He insisted as a thank you gift for helping that he purchase one for me as well. But he wanted the one I had tried on, so he knew for sure it would fit. I thanked him and told him if he ever needed help again I would be more than happy. He was very happy to hear that, being a newbie to this I guess. I told him my name and he said he was Chester. So I left the store feeling so good about myself. I helped a scared but kind man. And I got a hot new outfit for Pookie tonight. Which I am going to go show him now.....Toodles!

Easter Blaze

2006-04-17T12:45:00.000-05:00

Another Easter has come and gone! This was certainly a memorable one! Saturday night I stayed up late puting together the kids baskets. For every piece I gave them, I awarded myself with two. I love Easter morning because I do not have to cook breakfast! Scrambled eggs or Cadbury Eggs? What is the difference?

I have been looking for a new church since I no longer go to Brother Bob's. And I did not want to miss church on Easter Sunday. I was able to convince Pookie to go since it was a holiday. So I thought we would give the big old church downtown a try. It had a sign all week saying "ALL ARE WELCOME EASTER SUNDAY". When we got there the place was already packed. The only place to sit was a pew in the middle of the church. The ends of the pew were full. But the middle only had one old man sitting there. So we said "Excuse us" about 20 times and side stepped our way with a few near trips, to make it to the empty space. I sat down next to the old man and he gave me a big smile. He told me how nice it was to see such a nice young family there. I thanked him and wished him a Happy Easter. Then the choir started to sing to signal the service was about to start. I looked around and saw that the church was mainly filled with old people. There were very few children. And the children who were there were sitting still like little zombies. Unlike my boys on a sugar high, already kicking the pew in front of us. There was a old woman in front of me slightly blocking my view. She had a big, silvery blue, bee hive hair- do. It was hairsprayed super stiff and looked like it had a few nats stuck in it. She was with a little bald old man who barely reached her shoulders.I guessed he was her husband. The place just had a bad old people smell. And I was already thinking that this was not the church for me. I just had to make it through this service. The preacher came out and started his sermon. And I then discovered why the nice old man was sitting next to me had such a wide open space around him. He had horrible gas the whole service! It was just awful! Soon Bobby John started whispering to me he had to pee. I told him to hold it a few times but he kept insisting he had to go. As much as I wanted to let him get up and go, so we could maybe leave, I didn't want to. It would have been to much hassel and a disturbance to get up and get passed everyone. He would not stop begging to go pee. So I took Billy Ray's blankie and draped it over Bobby John's lap. I then put Bobby's empty juice cup under the blanket and told him to hurry up and pee in the cup. He peed really quick and I screwed the lid back on. I do not think anyone saw. No one was near us but the old man who was asleep with his eyes open, leaving his silent but deadly gas. When the sermon was finally over we tried to leave as quickly as possible without getting stuck in any polite chatter. Plus I wanted to get rid of the cup of pee I was carrying. Bobby John was happy to be up and done with church and was super hyper. He was running little circles around me. When we were exiting the church going down the stairs, the lady with the bee hive was in front of us and started to light a cigerette. Bobby John was still running around like a little crack addict. He bumped into her and just as I was about to tell her I was sorry, her hair went up in flames! Everyone frooze as they screamed and watched the lady's head go up in flames. Her little husband started to panic and he looked around stuttering. He then saw the cup in my hand and grabbed it. Before I could tell him anything he took off the lid and poured it on his flaming wife's head. The flames went out with a bit of a sizzle and alot of smoke. Oh the smell was awful! Burnt hair and pee! And then everyone was silent and started at the woman to see if she was okay. I was praying that no one would realize the woman just had pee thrown on her head. I took Billy Ray's blanket and wrapped it around her head. Then others started to help and offer their assistance to her. So while we could we slipped away while no one would notice! I am so glad we did not sign the guestbook. Toodles!

Spring Cleaning

2006-04-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

I just love spring! It is so beautiful! I have been working on spring cleaning. And there is just so much to do! Yesterday I scrubbed the entire bathroom, including the ceiling. I had to, there was some crusty stuff all over it. Today I cleaned the fish tank, that turned out to be alot of fun.We have so many fishes it took me so long to get them all out of the tank.When I reached to get the last one, Swaj (that is Jaws spelled backwards) he flipped and flopped around, and jumped right out of the net and down my top! I did not have a bra on. And he was just jumping around like crazy. He kept smacking up on my girls. I could not catch him. And all that boob play got me hot and bothered. I hurried and got my hummingbird out! It was oh so nice to have Swaj helping out! After I just laid there and relaxed for a few momets. Then I realized Swaj wasn't moving anymore. OOPS! Now I have to break the news to the kids that Swaj went to that big fish tank in the sky! Oh well! I am sure they will get a new gerbil or something to replace him and forget all about it. Toodles!

Pookie's Up And Running

2006-04-06T12:20:00.000-05:00

Oh my dear readers and friends, I am so sorry for not filling you in on my life lately. I have just been so busy and stressed. Now that Pookie's weanie is finally all better, the stress is better too. The sexual frustration of waiting for him to be able to pound me was driving me crazy. And he wouldn't lick it since he couldn't stick it. But ever since he went on that fishing trip with Brother Bob, he has been wanting to give it to me non stop. He now just can't get enough. And I can barely walk! He is also now into a new way of dirty talk. He wants me to tell him what a man he is and how he is the pussy master and how he is so good with pussy's. It is really great! But I am also down a bit. Pookie says I can no longer see Brother Bob, attend his church, or any of the functions. He won't tell me why. I wondered if they had some sort of argument on the trip. So I asked him, but he would not talk about it. He got very upset. All he would tell me about the trip is that it made his ass sore for days. I guess sitting there in the boat all that time did it. I can't imagine what could have happened between Pookie and Brother Bob. But Pookie gets terribly upset if I mention it. So I have decided for Pookie's sake to let it go and do what he says. I will miss Brother Bob and the girls. But oh well! Toodles!

A Moment With Hummy

2006-03-03T17:13:00.000-06:00

Pookie Que's

2006-02-26T19:15:00.000-06:00

Pookie tries hard but he has never mastered the fine art of barbequeing. This week Daddy dropped off a hindquarter of a wild boar that he had killed on a hunting trip. The way that Daddy drinks on his hunting trips, I would wager that it wasn't a shotgun that killed the wild pig but the bumper of his old Chevy Pickup that did the thing in.

Pookie fired up the grill today in order to cook up the hindquarter. He is sooo anal about the way he stacks his wood just so in order to get a good fire started, not like Daddy who just chunks a bunch of wood in the fire throws some gas on it and throws some fire to it. No Pookie has to have it just so. He says the meat will turn out better if he doesn't use lighter fluid. The wood was wet though and so Pookie got out his backup lighter fluid and doused the meager flames that he had going. Pookie should have known better but he was standing to close. How fast does eyebrows grow back anyway?

When the fire burned down a bit, he put the meat on. He spent the whole day piddle farting around with the fire. He had wrapped the meat in Aluminum foil so that it would not be to smoky. When he got the meat out about an hour before it was completely done, he set it on his outdoor table and unwrapped it. He wasn't paying attention and when he put the foil down the hot juices splashed all down the front of his pants.

He was running around like a madman and screaming like a banshee. Hearing the ruckus, I went outside to see what was going on. When I had ascertained the situation, I grabbed the garden hose so that I could cool down his winkie. While I was seeing to his injured manhood, my miniture Dachshund, Muffy, jumped up and wrestled the hindquarter to the ground and started a feeding frenzy.

Oh Well, it looks like Pizza Hut tonight. Ta-Ta's for now, I have to tend to Muffy's tummy ache and Pookies roasted weinie.

Getting Social With The Sisters

2006-02-23T20:15:00.000-06:00

Last night was the church social with the women of the tabernacle. I brought my favorite dish, buttered corn on the cob, since it was a potluck affair. The meeting started off pretty normal, with the women talking about their kids and their husbands, but then they started talking about their sister-wives.

Now everyone knows my roots in the trailer park but I had never heard this term. I had heard about Uncle-Daddy's and cousin-sisters but sister-wife was a new term to me. I politely asked Beth, who had invited me, what a sister-wife was. She explained to me that they were a fundamentalist offshoot of the Mormon Church and believed in polygamy and sister-wife was how they described the relationship between the wives of the same husband.

I got it. It was like King Solomon and all his wives but I had so many more questions. She explained to me that she was the first wife of her husband and held in a place of authority in the home and was sort of like a mommy-wife to the other four sister-wives in her home. I asked how the arrangement was made as to who was sleeping with the husband at any given time. She explained that there was a schedule where one wife was on duty and one wife was on-call in case the sister-wife on duty couldn't fulfill her wifely duties in case of that time of the month or state of pregnancy.

I was somewhat in shock but it is big world and different strokes for different folks. I wondered about what the women did to satisfy their needs when they were not on duty. But I didn't have to wait long for the answer. Beth explained to me that these socials were one of the ways to blow off a little steam and get their weekly fix between shifts of duty.

Oooh my, this wasn't a quilting bee by any means. Pretty soon the girls started breaking out the party favors. There were rabbits and hummingbirds and various other toys. Sisterly love filled the air. Beth explained to me that as her husband now had younger wives her time on the rotation had grown less and less and she didn't mind at all. She had acquired a real love for these church socials and it was sooo nice to welcome a new face especially if it was attached to a hot body.

Although Beth might be the mommy-wife, she was still a hottie. I gave in to her tender ministrations and with the aid of her luscious mouth and a vibrating rabbit, my eyes were definitely were opened to the thrill of this exciting religion.

As I left the church hall that evening, I wondered how I would fit into this religion. Lord knows I loved the ladies but what if Pookie decided to take Tessa Tightass or some other skank that I couldn't stand to be my sister-wife. That would truly blow.

Oooh well, It is something to think about. Ta-Ta's for now!!!

A New Philosophy

2006-02-20T20:13:00.000-06:00

I have been going to services at Brother Bob's church, The Sling of David Worship Tabernacle. As you remember, I was introduced to Brother Bob through his Inmate Outreach Ministry. I didn't know what to expect but I was floored by the reception that I received. Before the services Brother Bob came out and greeted me personally. He said that it was nice to be able to welcome someone that he had met through his prison ministry. He explained that most of the people he met in the outreach program never came to regular services. He felt that most were only getting jailhouse religion in order to pull one over on the system or just out of boredom. I explained to him that he had really touched me. (That made me giggle because he hadn't touched me nearly as much as I would have liked.)

The parishioners are mostly women for some strange reason. I noticed several instances where five or six women would be escorting one man into the church. The men would look a little bit tired but always seemed to have a happy look in their faces.

Yesterdays services were about King Solomon. I have always loved the stories of Solomon. First off, he was very wise and also very sexy the 'Song of Solomon' is very hot talking of how his lover looks and tastes (in a biblical kind of way). Brother Bob also spoke of how many wives Solomon had. I have to sort of question his judgement on this one though. How could a husband keep up with that many wives? Wouldn't they wear him down to a nub after awhile?

After the service, I met with a group of the women. I told them that I enjoyed the service but I questioned the judgement of a man who would keep that many wives and how he could keep up with satisfying all of them in the days before Viagra. They must have been really amused with this because they all giggled like a bunch of schoolgirls.

One of the girls, Beth, invited me to a church social on Wednesday. She said that it was a place for all of the female parishioners to meet without the menfolk being around and they could let their hair down and talk. I am soo exited it has been such a long time since I have been to a religous social event. I will keep you posted. Ta-Ta's for now!!!

Show and Tell

2006-02-17T18:40:00.000-06:00

When it was time for Billy Ray's nap yesterday, I laid him down and went about my usual routine. I went over to the couch and reached under it and it wasn't there. You see everyday when I put Billy Ray down for his nap, I get me that mid-afternoon break. I usually keep all my toys in the bedroom but the day before I was interrupted and had just slipped my little hummingbird vibe under the couch. I got down on my hands and knees and looked but it was not there. I thought that maybe I had put it up and forgotten about it but I could not find it anywhere. I have other toys but this is my favorite and I would hate to lose it. I was sooo upset about losing it that I did not even feel like taking my little vibe break.

When I picked Bobby John up from school yesterday, he had a note in his backpack from his teacher. In the note his teacher had asked if I could meet her in her room during her conference period. It didn't say what the problem was so I prepared for whatever my little hellion had done this time.

So today I dropped off little Billy Ray at Sissy's and headed over to the school. When I got there and went to the teachers room, I found that he had a new teacher. It was not the old crusty teacher that he had started the year with but a pretty young redhead. She insisted that I call her Pam. She said that she had a concern regarding Bobby John's presentation at Show and Tell that day. Then she reached into her drawer and pulled out my little hummingbird vibe.

She said that Bobby John had showed it to the class and told them that it was his mommy's neck massager and went on to explain that it was very tickly and had asked if anyone would like to be tickled. I have to admit that I turned a bit red. I explained that I had left it out once before and he was sitting there and had told me that it tickled his tee tee. I had thought that it was cute but had told him that it was a neck massager and had accidently left it out again and that he must have been impressed with it and that is why he brought it to Show and Tell.

I apoligized for any embarrassment to her or the class but she said not to worry about it. She said that she had never seen one just like it and wondered if it worked as prettily as it looked. I was not embarrassed anymore. I always did like show and tell at school. I walked around to the other side of her desk and rolled her chair back. I slid her skirt up her thigh and placed the hummingbird vibe against her pussy through her now moist panties. I started by turning it on it's low setting slowly warming her up as I slid my hand under her sweater and bra gently massaging her nipples. When I sensed that her breath was quickening and she was ready for more. I turned the vibe to it's high setting and shortly she was bucking in her chair like it was a wild bronco.

Much too soon it was time for her conference period to be over. I left knowing that I had made Bobby John a few brownie points at school and I had got back my hummingbird vibe. All in all, it was a very good day.

Ta-Ta's for now!!!

Chocolate And Leather - That's Valentine's To Me

2006-02-14T10:19:00.000-06:00

I am sooo excited!! Tony( the UPS man) just delivered Pookie's Valentines Day gifts. I was beginning to worry that they would not get here in time and I would have to come up with a new plan. Pookie is so dear to me that I wanted to make this day extra special for him. I found a delicious little store online. There was so much to choose from. So with my trusty Visa card in hand, I went shopping!

First I bought a nice sex swing, ( we broke our last one, whoopsie.) This time I made sure I got a quality piece (a quality piece for a quality peice LOL). Next I got an assortment of flavored massage oils, Pookie likes to nibble on me. Then I found a love paddle to replace my old one. It is pretty worn out from spanking Pookie's firm little tushy.

I still needed an outfit for this special night and I found the perfect one! It was a little pricey but I am sure he will think it is worth the price. It's a black leather lace up teddy with garters and stockings and it is crotchless. I fell in love with it. I had to have it. I just love the way leather feels against my body. Oh! I almost forgot my yummiest purchase, a pair of thigh high boots with 5 inch spiked heels. Surely this outfit will have Pookie standing at attention.

Luckily for me Pookies bringing dinner home and I told him to be sure and pick up some Hershey's Syrup (I know that he would love an Ann Sundae and chocolate covered little Pookie sounds awfully sweet to me.) Tony said he would come back after his last delivery and assemble my new swing for me. How sweet is that? Well I better get busy. Hope everyone has a wonderful Valentine's Day.
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Yaay, My guest post is up over at Beauty versus The Beast. It was a lot of fun and I get to tackle the question of how to read the signs of a cheating spouse. A subject near and dear to my heart. I am up against Crazy Dan and he can be sooo mean so please come over and help me.

Ta- Ta's for now!!!

Calling Nurse Ann

2006-02-10T20:19:00.000-06:00

One of the reasons that I have been so busy is due to playing nursemaid to Pookie and the boys. I don't know why but it seems that everytime one of them gets sick, the whole bunch ends up sick. I have always been blessed with a strong constitution and am rarely sick so it falls up to me to play nurse for everyone. That is okay because I am remarkably well suited to care for the sick. (It is why I made such a good candy striper at the old folks home.)

Here are a few good tips in being a caring care-giver:

1) Stock plenty of juices and clear liquids. Dehydration can be such a bitch. Juice is pretty explanatory. But clear liquids are a bit tricky. They never define it do they so I always stock plenty of bottled water, and Sprite for the sickies. I also find that stocking Vodka and Tequila for my clear liquids help immensely. Even as easy going and bubbly as I am are strained dealing with sick people for an extended time so when the constant whining turns my thoughts from how sweet and precious the boys are and how warm and wonderful Pookie is to thoughts of gagging the whiny little snotrags and strangling the big Puss that spawned them in his sleep, I just take me a little nip of my special clear liquids and I am as right as rain once more.

2) Slather them up with Vicks. Sure it stinks but why should I suffer alone.

3) Make sure that your vibe's batteries are charged. Sickness plays hell with Pookies libido and besides who wants to give a man a blowjob when he is slathered in Vicks. It not only smells bad but leaves one hell of a bad taste in your mouth. (Maybe that is why I have been a little cranky.)

4) NyQuil is a mommys best helper. The generic is for shit (Take my word for it. My momma in the trailer park tried it and it didn't do squat.) but the real stuff is the shit. Knocks the little buggers right off to dreamland.

Whoopsy there goes the boys little bell again. I guess that it is time for all of us to have some more clear liquids. Oooh well, Ta-Ta's for now.

Whoops

2006-02-08T19:35:00.000-06:00

I didn't realize how long it had been since I last posted. I have been so busy (what with my new workouts, my legal woes, and keeping up with Pookie and the boys) that I haven't had time to post in my little bloggy. But I will be back to posting regularly now, so I am sorry if I kept you waiting. Ta-Ta's for now.

Taking It off Ala Ann

2006-01-29T08:25:00.000-06:00

The other day I looked in my full length mirror, I noticed some fresh dimples on my ass and not a good kind of dimples but the early markings of COTTAGE CHEESE. How horrible!!! It made me want too cry. I had worked so hard after the birth of the boys to regain my petite girlish form. I will not stand by and look like those fat-assed soccer moms strapping their high rise asses in some X-Large lawn chair and sit around eating Cheetos.

I went out and found a personal trainer with his own gym. He is perfect for me. He has six pack abs, chiseled arms, and an ass that you could bounce a quarter off of. When I went down to check him out, he was working out and his body glistened with sweat like a Greek God. He was delighted to be of service and promised to get me back into shape in no time at all as he planned to ride me hard. (Sounds like my kind of workout.) He even has a small day care center at the Gym so I can take Billy Ray with me. I cannot begin to say how lucky I am to find my own personal fitness Adonis who is a living breathing almost carbon copy of David Hasselhoff.

Now for starting my diet. Breakfast is already covered as I never feel like eating after giving Pookie his morning blowjob and cum has only 5 calories per serving. But it means no mid-morning Twinkie break with little Billy Ray during Blue's Clues we will have to start eating fruits, which isn't all bad as I have been told that I have a way about eating bananas and it is always good exercise to tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue (Not that I need the practice. Just the exercise.) Lunchtime might be a bother as Speghetti-O's are surprisingly fattening but now due to the modern marvel of bagged salad, a healthy salad is convenient and just what the doctor ordered. Dinner will be a challenge with Pookie and two growing boys to feed but Pookie enjoys the taste of fish (heehee) and the boys need to learn the importance of eating healthy at a young age.

So it is started. I swear as God as my witness I will never be a fat-ass again!!! Wish me luck! I am off to find some Spandex after Church. Ta-Ta's for now!!!

A Night In The Hole: Part III

2006-01-24T21:30:00.000-06:00

The next morning, I was led to a cell in the general population of the jail. I was also issued a standard jail issue jumpsuit. The cheap cotton blend jumpsuit in an unflattering color wasn't bad enough, I suppose, so they gave me one two sizes to large. Doing time is tough. The guard told me that I would be released as soon as some paperwork errors were corrected and a local outreach prison ministry would soon start if I wished to go.

I hadn't gone to church since my ouster from my old church and being thrown in jail offered me a chance to witness jailhouse religion first hand. Therefore, I eagerly accepted the offer. I traipsed in a single file line with my fellow down and outers, to the room where the services were held. The preacher had not arrived yet so a sat in my chair and tried to content myself with gazing at the surroundings and wondered if they could have picked a more dreary room for giving praise.

The preacher arrived and I was sooo shocked. He was a ruggedly handsome man with just the right amount of chiseled hardness to his face to be extremely sexy. He had dark soulful eyes and when he looked my way it seemed as if he saw right through the flesh and bone and glimpsed my soul. He was carrying a guitar case and when he opened the case and strarted playing, I knew that my faith had found a new teacher. His name was Brother Bob and he sang his entire sermon and then played a few of my old traditional favorites.

After the service, he asked if anyone needed one on one counseling to come to the front and he would talk to us. There was a partition screen set up at the front of the room where we could speak softly in reletive privacy. I had to speak to this charismatic man of God. When it was my turn to talk to him, I stepped behind the screen. I told him that I would love to talk to him more and enjoy his preaching when I got out of this hell hole. He told me the location of his church where he gave regular sermons. I explained to him that I was sorry that we had to meet in these circumstances and that I was normally much more presentable than this morning in this icky jail uniform. He then explained to me that we are all naked in God's eyes and that is the way he pictured all his parishioners in the female inmate ministry. Then he gave me a loving kiss and told me that he would be looking forward to seeing more of me in the future.

It is so miraculous the way faith works. I went from having a horrible night to having my faith renewed with this chance meeting. Maybe it is fate or even karma or the will of God. Ohh well, whatever it is I am happy. I was so elated that it didn't even bother me that much when the thick knuckled dyke guard slipped me her phone number and winked at me as she led me to my cell (Ewww.) Shortly thereafter, the paperwork came through and I was on my way with my Pookie who had bailed my ass out of jail.

Ta-Ta's for now!!!

30 facts about The Hoff

2006-01-21T21:14:00.000-06:00

I just love David Hasselhoff! Big D said to spread the word and allowed me to repost it, so here it is. I will be back soon with the third part of that awful jail experience. Ta-Ta's for now :D Thanks Big D! You sweetie.

1.David Hasselhoff has slept with your mother and could be your father.
2.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard on Baywatch.
3.David Hasselhoff slept with every lifeguard that worked for your town's pool.
4.There are many dying children out there whose last wish is to meet David Hasselhoff.
5.David Hasselhoff really invented Spandex.
6.David Hasselhoff invented condoms.
7.David Hasselhoff single handedly tore down the Berlin wall.
8.David Hasselhoff mother was a Banshee from Ireland.
9.David Hasselhoff can drink you under the table.
10.David Hasselhoff actually created German Death Metal.
11.David Hasselhoff was kicked out off NASCAR for being to bad ass.
12.David Hasselhoff can get you pregnant by just looking at you.
13.David Hasselhoff can travel back in time.
14.David Hasselhoff is the true "King" of Rock-N-Roll.
15.They based "The Terminator" off David Hasselhoff.
16.Merely touching a David Hasselhoff CD can get you laid by German supermodels.
17.David Hasselhoff voice is considered an aphrodisiac.
18.In Germany instead of history they teach about David Hasselhoff.
19.David Hasselhoff invented Hip Hop.
20.David Hasselhoff started the East Coast, West Coast war.
21.David Hasselhoff is a legend in the underground rap community.
22.David Hasselhoff would have kicked Hitlers ass.
23.David Hasselhoff is Odin's youngest son.
24.David Hasselhoff is not of any one nationality, but belongs to the world.
25.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Kings of Comedy Tour for being too black.
26.David Hasselhoff was kicked off the Blue Collar Comedy Tour for being too redneck.
27.Harry Potter is really about David Hasselhoff life at school.
28.David Hasselhoff chest hair is actually magical.
29.David Hasselhoff will single handedly bring about world peace.
30.David Hasselhoff's video below is the greatest cinematic accomplishment ever!

A Night In The Hole: Part II

2006-01-18T19:02:00.000-06:00

After the humiliation of the strip search, I was led to the drunk tank and without fanfare dumped in with my fellow dregs of humanity (that is how I truly felt). The drunk tank was filled with scary and hard looking women. Some sneered as I walked past them and some butchy ones whistled. I kept my head high and tried to show no fear but I was scared and lonely. I took a seat at the end of a long wooden bench trying to make myself as small and inconspicuous as possible. I have always heard such horror stories of what can happen to a person in jail and I was quite frightened out of my wits eventhough I did my best not to show it.

A rather large woman with short cut hair strolled my direction and took a seat next to me. She was a little scary looking. Besides being large, she had a tribal armband tattoo around her upper arm. I tried to make myself invisable but then she spoke to me. Politely I turned to her and was surprised as she had a very soft voice for a lage muscular woman. When I looked into her face, she had eyes filled with kindness.

She asked me if I had ever been in jail before and I replied that no I had never been and was scared because I had heard all kinds of stories about what could happen to a pretty petite girl in the big house. She told me to have no fear because she had spent some time in jails before and could show me the ropes and look out for me if only I stayed close to her.

We talked to the wee hours of the morning about life, loves, and trivial matters. We didn't really talk about what we happened to be thrown into jail for but maybe that is because I was really hitting it off with her and did not want to have that ruined in case she told me that she was an axe murderer or something similar (new friends can be hard to come by).

After awhile, I got very sleepy but was afraid of what could happen if I did. When I expressed my concerns to Big Liz, she told me not too worry. I could lay my head in her lap and sleep unafraid like a little angel. She was right for I whether it was the booze, the stress, or laying my head on her muscular thighs, I had the best sleep of my life. Hopefully I didn't bother her with my sleep problem. I don't think so because she looked well rested and content the next morning. Although I did have a very funny taste in my mouth but I guess that was just the hangover cottonmouth rearing it's ugly head.

I awoke to the sound of the guards clanging on the bars. They had us file up and handed through a disgusting sausage and egg biscuit or that is what it resembled. I tried to eat it but the greasy pork product and slimy reconstituted egg pressed between a low grade sawdust cake made me want to heave.

The guards called me up and told me that there was some problem in processing my paperwork and that it might be awhile and that they would have to book me into the general population for a short while until that could be fixed up and Pookie could bail me out.

As you could imagine, I was devastated and went back to cry on Big Liz's shoulder as I waited for the guards to come back and lead me to my new cell. I prayed that it would only be for a very short time. Big Liz said not to worry she would try to work something out so that I could cell with her. I didn't explain that I was going to get out as soon as the paperwork was complete. I felt that it would be better that way.

This is getting rather long winded but I will be back Friday with the conclusion of my stay in the callaboose. Ta-Ta's for now!!!

A Night In The Hole: Part I

2006-01-16T19:41:00.000-06:00

Saturday Night started in grand style with Pookie taking me to a nice restaurant. We ordered a bottle of wine. Eventhough I like to drink, I haven't drank hardly anything since Pookie's office party; and we all know how that turned out. By the end of the meal and the bottom of the bottle, I was feeling no pain.

After dinner Pookie took me to a local honky tonk to scoot a boot and do a little belly rubbing. I think that I had just as many cocktails as dancing. I have always thought that liquor goes down better in a bar. I don't know if it is the atmosphere or something they put in the ice. All I know is it was yummy. Just when I was approaching that supremely happy glow, who did I see but my nemisis, Tessa the Tightass Bitch.

I thought that maybe she didn't see us and I could avoid her but like a bad penny turning up again. She spied us on the dance floor and waved at Pookie and strolled over to us. She asked me if I minded her cutting in and winked at Pookie. I don't know if it was stress or what but I snapped. But like my momma always said if you are going to fight, fight to win. And that means fighting dirty. I told her that there was no way that I was going to stand by while she danced with Pookie and she needed to get her skinny little ass trotting.

After the song ended, I sent Pookie to the bar to get us another drink. I saw the table where Tessa was sitting and talking to some of her uppity friends. Just as she let out one of her shreiking hyena laughs, I walked behind her and grabbed her by the hair on her head and slung her down to the ground.

The bouncers, who witnessed my fury just as I was about to lay my boots to this skank, grabbed me by my arms and escorted me out of the bar. Pookie tried to convince them to let him take me home but they explained that they had already called the police.

When the police arrived, I did not help my cause when I told them that I had friends in high places and they better watch their asses or I would have their badges. Drunkeness has always made me a bit cocky.

They took me down to the police station booked me and some dykey, thick knuckled officer gave me a strip search and a cavity search. I told her that I was no criminal and she could just back off on the orifice intrusion but the gung-ho bitch did it anyway. Oh well I just closed my eyes and went to my happy place and it wasn't too bad; in better circumstances it might have been enjoyable. Then I was escorted to the drunk tank.

That is all that I have time for today but I will be back in a couple of days with the next part of the story. Ta-Ta's for now.

Nice Dreams

2006-01-14T08:43:00.000-06:00

This weeks appointment at the sleep clinic went well enough, I suppose. The clinic catered to sleep walkers, people suffering from sleep apnea, just plain snorers, and what I suffer from; sexual somnambulism. I checked in and took a seat close to the water cooler. Two nurses were at the cooler getting a drink of water, when I overheard them talking shop. I heard them refer to the section of the clinic where I was going to be seen as the 'sleep-n-fuck'. I had to cover my face with my hands as this made me giggle a bit and I didn't want the nurses to know that I was eavesdropping. I couldn't help but wonder if they called the doctor, Dr. Sleepenfucker.

The receptionist called me back and I was escorted to a room where I disrobed and put on the flimsy little hospital gown. After two hours of sitting around freezing my nipples off in this thin paper gown, the doctor arrived for his consultation. After a brief discussion of my problem, he said that prior to any testing, there were a few things that he could advise me to do to help alleviate the problem.

The first thing that he suggested was that I have sex or at least masterbate before going to sleep. I thanked him for the suggestion because that isn't a very tough remedy to take at all, but I told him that I did this already and it doesn't seem to matter at all. In fact after the best sex is when I sleep-fuck the most. He said that this was most intrigueing and a little alarming and it would take further testing. I was to come back the next day so they could hook me to their brain wave reader thingamabob ( I can't remember medical techie terms for shit) as I was sleeping and see what my brain was doing as I slept.

I stayed up late that night so that I would be able to take a good nap. Except for a couple of good movies on Cinemax, late night tv watching sucks. I could give two rips less about infomercials and cheesy late nite movies. After only a few hours sleep, I was as tired as hell and needed a nap. I dropped off Bobby John at Pre-K and Billy Ray at Sissy's and headed for the clinic again.

I was taken to a darkened room and stripped down into another one of those flimsy little gowns and electrogoop was spread here and there over my noggin and electrodes stuck to the electrogoo. I was then told to sleep away and the machine would read my brain waves as I slept.

When I awoke, I could see Dr. Sleepenfucker standing beside the table with his clothes rumpled and wearing a big grin. He said the test went well and a lot of data had been collected. He told me that he would look through the data and I was to come in next week for another consultation.

It seemed to me strange that although the electrodes were stuck to my head, it was my nipples and my coochie-snorcher that were sore from the testing and even more odd, my gown was no longer on me but crumpled on the floor. Oh well. By the way I am sooo excited Pookie is taking me for dinner and dancing tonight. We so rarely go out together. This should be fun. Ta-Ta's for now.

Tagged Damnit

2006-01-11T21:19:00.000-06:00

Recently I was tagged by one of my dearest blogfriends, Dear Jane. Yippee, I have never been tagged before so I am super excited about it. Here goes.

Four Jobs that you have had in your life.
1) Candy Striper at a nursing home. Helping the elderly one dirty old man at a time.
2) Drive Thru Attendent at a fast food restaurant. I was fired for sharing the 'secret sauce'.
3) Worked in the lingerie department at a department store. I got tired of dressing and undressing modeling lingerie for men shopping for their wives and girlfriends. I suppose I was popular from word of mouth. LOL.
4) My favoritist job in the world a housewife and mommy to the sweetest family in the world :D

Four Places that you have ever lived
I have only lived in three places in my whole life and they are all in the metroplex. I lived with my parents in a trailer park in Fort Worth and then in a rent house when Pookie and I first got together and now in my present home. I guess I am not much of a traveler.

Four websites that you visit everyday
1) My little bloggy
2) New Posts on my blogroll. They are all either sooo sexxxy or sooo phunny.
3) 3Wishes.com. They have the sexiest lingerie and the sexxxiest models.
4) HGTV.com. They have everything that a mommy needs to know.

Four TV shows that you love to watch
1) Trading Spaces. That one was easy and why it's right there on my sidebar.
2) Snapped. (Ideas Anyone)
3) Real Sex on HBO. Sometimes sexy, sometimes icky, sometimes raunchy but always real.
4) Jerry Springer. A view of common people with common problems.

Four of your favorite foods
1) Buttered corn on the cob. For my favorite recipe you can check my post of September 29 in my archives.
2) Strawberries and cream. They are best served not in a bowl but on a lover.
3) Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Syrup. YUUMMY
4) Spam and eggs. Because it reminds me of home in the trailer park. Comfort foods are important.

Four Albums that you can't live without (at least for now)
1) Snoop Dog - Doggy Style
2) The entire Britney Spears discograghy. I can't believe how people are sooo mean to her. Of course you get a little big when you have a bun in the oven. But she will bounce back just you wait and see.
3) The new Blink 182 c.d. The cover is sooo sexxxy! LMAO
4) Up with People. It is so inspiring.

Four Places that you would rather be
1) Vegas baby Vegas. Sin City and Me together are like Peanut Butter and Jelly. Sticky and Sweet.
2) Standing on a tropical beach with a warm breeze blowing through my hair and Pookie by my side.
3) In a Sultan's harem being massaged with exotic fragrant oils.
4) In a dungeon dressed in black leather whipping Tessa Tightass with a cat-o-nine tails.

Whew, that was tough. If anyone else wants to play go ahead but I am not going to tag anyone. I will be back tomorrow after my day at a sleep clinic that my doctor referred me to. Ohh Well, Ta-Ta's for now.

Things That Go Bump In The NIght

2006-01-09T17:49:00.000-06:00

Today I made an appointment with my doctor. Pookie says that if I don't do something then he will just go crazy from lack of sleep. I am sure he is just miffed from my bitching him out about his gassy escapades the other night. However it is true that I have a bit of a sleeping problem. I suffer from sexual somnambulism or as Pookie and I like to call it, I am a sleep fucker.

He never has had a problem with waking up and being rode like a pony in the county fair before but as I mentioned he was probably trying to get back at me a little. I agreed to go to the doctor because it has been happening more frequently than it has in the past and I often wake up tired and sore. I guess I get a little to active or rough when doing it in my sleep.

Only on two occasions has it caused me any problems. The first time that it happened was on a sleepover at a friends house when I was in Junior High but I still will not take full blame that my friend went from being a bitchy cheerleader to a butchy gym teacher. I take great pains not to take naps in public ever since the time that I was napping on a plane ride. I awoke with my head in some strange man's lap. I looked up and he was rubbing my head with an awestruck look on his face like he was gazing into a crystal ball and seeing the winning lottery numbers.

Ohh well maybe the doctor can set me up with a sleep clinic or something. I will be sure to update you when I find out something. Ta-Ta's for now.

Gasser

2006-01-07T08:04:00.000-06:00

Last night I woke from a deep slumber with a horrible stench in the air. I could not at first put my finger on the exact cause of this terrible odor. Just as I was about to get out of bed to find the cause of the odor, a powerful blast literally shook the bed. The blast came from Pookie's ass. Yes Pookie was sleep-farting. OMG, how NASTY. It was as if something had crawled up his ass and died. I tried to wake him but he was sleeping like the dead. Just as the smell receded somewhat another explosion rocked the bed sheets and the smell was even worse.

I had to get out of the room and sleep on the couch. This morning my back is stiff and I am mad as hell at the gross phucker. I have a good mind not to give him a morning bj for a week. I certainly won't this morning until he washes his nasty ass, from the smell he had to of shit himself. That is positively the last time that he gets to eat Mexican food before bedtime. Ta-Ta's for now!

The Final Prayer

2006-01-05T17:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Pookie and the boys felt like going out for Pizza, I have been a little depressed so I stayed home. Shortly after they had left, I heard the doorbell ring. I felt the urge to just let it ring but after a few rings, I decided that I might as well answer the door.

It was Sherri coming over to give me the news of what had transpired after I left Sunday. She told me that the deacons and the elders had decided that they could not condone my unrepentant actions and had decided to revoke my membership to the church. Sherri then asked if we could say one last prayer together. We knelt upon the prayer rug and prayed for guidance on my spiritual journey.

After the last Amen, I looked up and gazed into Sherri's eyes and noticed the mist of a tear that she was holding back. I reached over and softly stroked her cheek and told her to not worry that I would be fine. As the teardrop fell I reached across and dried her eye. Then she leaned in for an embrace. The embrace led to a deep kiss. It was the type of kiss that lovers give each other when they know they must part and the remembrance of the kiss must last a lifetime.

We slowly undressed each other taking time to remember every nuance of our bodies from the hardening of our nipples to the smell of our musk to the taste of our sex. When we gave ourselves to one another, it was with abandon; a surging of emotion and pleasure that could never be forgotten.

From a deep kiss I journeyed from her mouth to the nape of her neck as I moved downwards a soft moan escaped her lips. As I gently moved down to her breasts and suckled her nipples the moans grew and when I tasted the sweet nectar of her mound, she thrashed wildly lost in ecstasy losing herself in the moment. As the waves of passion overtook her, she turned her attention to my pleasure and knowing my needs and desires as well as she did, she mixed the pleasure with pain. As she took one nipple into my mouth, she twisted upon the other. She alternately kissed and nipped her way down my stomach and reached my pussy devouring it. The pleasure grew and grew as I begged for release. At the point of my climax she slapped my ass and inserted her finger in my anus. I could take no more and flooded her face with my juices.

Afterwards we did not speak as if our actions meant more than mere words could ever express. I watched as she walked down the drive and got in her car. She waved as she drove away giving me her final goodbye. Just as she had rounded the corner out of my sight, Pookie and the boys drove up. Pookie looked upon my face and could see the traces of my sorrow. He asked me if everything was going to be alright. I simply folded into his strong arms knowing that all would be well in the end.

So the die is cast and my ties are broken, Now for good or ill, the journey begins. Ta-Ta's for now.

Losing My Religion

2006-01-02T16:30:00.000-06:00

All through the last part of last week, I prayed and searched for signs concerning my decision. I was lost not knowing whether I should swallow my pride and forego my principles or should I just walk away from my church and seek religious guidance elsewhere. What had brought me to this?

The words from my friends on this little bloggy meant a lot. The comment that reminded me of how Jesus was misunderstood in his time too helped clear my mind a little but still I was at loss for a decision. Tessa had misrepresented my actions and now that lying bitch was attempting to get me thrown out of my spiritual home.

Sunday came but enlightenment had not struck me yet. Dressing and applying my make up with trembling hands, I got ready for Church. Pookie was a dear and dressed the boys. On the way to the church, I scanned everything searching for my sign and low and behold a sign came. Waiting at the stoplight for the light to turn green, I noticed two dogs surrounded by a bunch of other dogs. The male dog must have just finished ejaculating for he was hung up and being drug around by the female. The male dog was howling in what appeared to be pain. A man appeared, I suppose he was the owner of the property. He had a bucket of water and threw it on the couple. They then parted and the male dog ran away yapping with his tail between his legs.

I sat through the service with a smile on my face confident that the lord had sent me guidance. Although the decision would be tough, I must face my accusers with the faith of a martyr. The hymns sounded heavenly and the call to prayer and the Pastor's sermon on 'Being a Good Neighbor' were like words from a burning bush. Then the end came and the Pastor told the congregation that I would like to speak to them a few words.

I spoke simply,' I know that all of you have heard rumors of my happenings with Tessa Taylor at my husbands Office Party. I know that it is the word of Jesus to turn the other cheek but I am but a simple housewife. This tramp was and is trying to not only steal my husband but also any happiness that I have in the world. Do to me what you will but remember that judge not for you might be judged just as I and there is only one judge and we must also face him in the end.' Then I simply walked away with my head up high.

I do not know what will be in store for me now but I am glad that I could read the sign. The male dog represented me and the female dog represented the church and the man with the bucket of water represented God. God had to seperate me from the church because of the pain that it was bringing me and I had to leave in pain, knowing that I must go my seperate way.

I am soo excited to see what the future has in store. Ta-Ta's for now!

A Question of Faith

2005-12-29T18:47:00.000-06:00

I was late for my Adult Female Christian Class at the Church Wednesday night. I always try to show up early in order to have a private consultation with the Pastor and his wife Sherri in the Pastor's study. It always clears my mind to be able to bare my soul and my clothes before the class. With all the rush, rush, rush of the holidays, I found myself running late. I took my place on the mats laid down in the classroom and chatted with a perky young woman in the class.

I was excited about this evenings class as it was a planned game night. The class was going to play a game of Nude Twister. The pastor is a firm believer in the fact that God made us all beautiful and God also made us all naked. He says that is why it is important to be naked as much as possible and legal for it is a blessing unto the Lord.

That is when like Tessa 'Tightass' Taylor walked in just ahead of the Pastor and Sherri. Like a bad omen, I knew that this bitch showing up would surely bring no good. The way that she glared at me, while wiping her chin, let me know that she had been up to her old tricks. I was not sure what kind of trouble I was in for but I knew in my heart that it couldn't be good.

After the Class, which I must admit was a lot of fun since giving praise to the Lord in the way of our Pastor is one of my favorite pastimes, The Pastor came up to me and told me that he would like to talk to me after class. Here was the moment that I had been dreading. In his office Sherri and the Pastor told me that they had talked to Tessa. She had told them how I had tricked her at the office party and ever since then she has been humiliated at the office and has lost sleep . She had come to the Church seeking Spiriritual advice as Pookie had told her that The Pastor and Sherri had done so much for me.

They said that they had never seen anyone so willing to shed all their sins and doubt for enlightenment as Tessa had this evening. Then they told me that I must bare my sins in front of the congregation Sunday morning and beg for not only the forgiveness of the church but also beg for Tessa's forgiveness. I tried to explain my actions were only self-defence against what she was doing to me and Pookie and explained all the wrongs that I had suffered at this bitches hands but evidently she had pulled the wool over their eyes. I will admit that she is awesome in the sack, whether she is a bitch or not.

They would hear none of it and told me to go home and pray about it and if I could not find it in my heart to beg for forgiveness then a vote would be taken to revoke my membership in the church. As I started to explain the Pastor shushed me and said that this was the final word. I ran crying from the church. I have been praying since then for some kind of sign from the Lord. I really love being a part of this ministry but I loathe the very thought of asking for that cunts forgiveness.

Oh well, I have until Sunday morning to find the answer. Maybe someone has the answer because the Lord isn't telling me a thing. Ta-Ta's for now!

Happy Returns

2005-12-26T20:08:00.000-06:00

Today is truly my day for gifts. The day after Christmas when I can return all the tacky shit that well meaning friends and relatives give me over the holidays and exchange them for things more my style. I do not know why people without either taste or fashion sense cannot just do the wise thing and give gift cards perhaps they do not know that they are either color blind or stuck in some weird fashion time warp.

Some of the presents that I received were unexchangable. One due to the fact that I am personnally not going to go down to Wal-Mart and exchange a pair of Git R Done panties with a picture of Larry the Cable Guy festooned on the ass end. I hope that whoever receives these from GoodWill puts them to good use. So if anyone sees some crackwhore with Larry the Cable Guy's mug across her ass here in the Metroplex, she has me to thank for new panties.

How Pookie's mother can shop at the nicest department stores and still manage to come back with the most god-awful frumpy clothes is beyond me. I have seen Amish Women wearing sexier clothing. I swear the woman would have me wearing a burka if she had her way, and Lord knows she won't. I traded in the bulky baggy sweater that she got me for a nice silk blouse. I just love the way my nipples feel when I am wearing a peek-a-boo bra under a silk blouse. It doesn't have to get very cold at all in order to get nipply with the friction against the smooth silk.

The only problem that I ran into was at the 'toy store'. Pookie screwed up and gave me a dildo that was the exact same model as one that I have at home. I explained the problem to the cashier but he said that they had a no exchange - no refund policy and besides the dildo looked as if it were used. I couldn't believe the sheer audacity of the pimply faced punk behind the counter. I told him that if he actually could recognize the smell of pussy and not just the smell of hand lotion on his dick then he might know just by smelling the dildo, that it wasn't used. The people milling around the store started to snicker so I decided to push it a little farther. I then told him a little louder that he could also tell that it was not like his used dildo under the counter due to the lack of teeth marks. By then he was soo embarrassed that he gave me exactly what I wanted just to get me out of the store. Next year I am going to have Pookie shop on-line to avoid this hassle. I can't believe the gall of some people.

Oh Well Ta-Ta's for now.

Holiday Treats

2005-12-23T06:23:00.000-06:00

I just love this time of the year and one of the bestest parts of the season is spending time in the kitchen making holiday treats for my friends and family. From the baking of Christmas cookies to the candy making of fudge and chocolate balls, I love the adoring looks from loved ones as they sample the sugary goodness of homemade concoctions. The scent of cinnamon and other yummy smells permeating the kitchen and given flight to fill the whole house with a feeling of love and happiness.

One of my fondest Christmas memories has to do with sugary frosted love. Bobby John was still but a babe and Billy Ray wasn't even a twinkle in my eye yet. Pookie was downstairs playing Santy Claus. I had to hurry because I wanted to give Santy Claus the best Christmas Cookie ever. I used white frosting to coat my breasts and traced a road all the way down to my pubic hair dyed green to look like a sprig of holly. Then I laid back in the bed and strategically placed candy coated sprinkles along the way and propped a gingerbread man against one breast and a little gingerbread girl against the other.

When Pookie Claus came back to the bedroom, his eyes just about popped out of his head. He could not believe that I had made my body a little Christmas village just for him. I told him that the little gingerbread couple were stranded on the Twin Peaks and he must use his tongue like a show plow and clear the way for them to make it to the Holiday Valley. OH MY did he enjoy being a snow plow. He licked and sucked all the 'snow' from the Twin Peaks and delightfully cleared the road all the way to my festive pubes. I then told him that I did not have time to decorate the Holiday Valley and he must use his tongue as a paint brush and draw out Christmas scenes in the valley. I must say that he was a virtual Picasso.

After I came, I told him that he had been such a good boy that year that I was going to treat his winky to a special holiday bj. I reached under the bed and got out a can of Reddi-Whip and a tube of red cake frosting and decorated his cock to look like a candy cane. I must say his sweetly covered cock was just like Candy M&M's because it stayed hard in my hands but melted in my mouth.

Ohh well enough memories, I must get busy with some more holiday baking. Ta-Ta's for now and Merry Christmas to everybody!!!

A Lesson With A Buzz

2005-12-20T19:41:00.000-06:00

Last week Kellie came over for her final tutorial before the Holiday Break. She explained that she is now one of the most popular girls in school (with the boys) and besides Rodney the intern, there are boys lined up for dates. But she said that the dates left her feeling empty and was not as satisfying as she imagined them to be. All the boys really enjoyed her blow jobs but they had grown somewhat boring to her but she could not go back on her word to her mother about staying a virgin. She was soo distraught and did not know how she could keep this up.

Being the caring nurturer that I am, I gave her the Christmas present that I got for her early. I told her that the gift would help solve her dilemma. She unwrapped the package and her eyes went all aglow. She said she loved hummingbirds but did not know how that was going to help her with her problem. I told her to take the hummingbird from the package and turn it on. When the hummingbird came to life she exclaimed, 'Is that what I think it is.'

Giggling just a little, I told her that I had a hummingbird vibe just like this one. Because sometimes a man is handy and sometimes he is not but B.O.B. is always handy. Of course being a good instructor means hands on training. I told her that if she would disrobe and lie upon the bed, I would get out my hummingbird vibe and lie down beside her and show her how to use it.

She was quite hesitant at first and somewhat frightened of the vibrator. I told her to just watch me and do as I do. I showed her all the spots to hit in order to get the yummiest feelings. I also told her that it was important to fantasize while pleasuring herself. It doesn't matter how goofy or how sick the fantasy is if it feels good and would get you in the spot that you needed to be, just go with the flow. I also told her that you shouldn't expect an orgasm right out of the gate but it was like my momma always told me, 'If at first you don't succeed, Try and Try again.'

After she witnessed my orgasm, she gave in to the pleasure and came for the first time. I felt that I had redeemed myself. By not teaching her to give pleasure to herself but only to others, it was liking teaching someone to park other peoples cars but not to get out on the open road themselves. Eventhough she is still a student driver, I can see the day when she is ready to head on down the highway.

Ta-Ta's for now!!!

Two Birthdays For The Price Of One

2005-12-18T19:58:00.000-06:00

Christmas is a very special day for our little family. Not only is Christmas a day to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus it is also little Billy Ray's first birthday. Pookie and me know that it can be a little bit of a downer to have to share your birthday with another holiday, but we will try to make it a special day for Billy Ray. He will have his own birthday cake and we will seperate his Christmas gifts from his birthday presents by wrapping his birthday gifts in birthday wrapping paper.

For his birthday gift, I will be taking care of a concern that has been bothering me. Neither Pookie nor myself speak the language of Billy Ray's birth fathers native tongue and I have been wondering if I could understand him very well when he starts talking more than just babbling a few words. That is why I bought him the learning tapes 'Hooked on Ebonics.' I plan on learning right along with him. I am so excited to finally find out what shizzle means. I covered it with Pookie by telling him that it was important for little Billy Ray to learn the language of other dark complected children or he will be an outcast when he starts school.

Oh well, I promise that I will be back with an update of my mentoring but I was soo excited that the tapes came in yesterday, that I had to share. Ta-Ta's for Now!!

Rolling on the River

2005-12-16T06:13:00.000-06:00

My period came somewhat unexpectedly this month. I was in the bedroom folding clothes right after dinner when Pookie came in horny as a little rabbit. Before you know it he had ripped off my clothes and was attempting to lick my belly button through my pussy. When he came up for air, I looked down and he had not just a red river moustache but a whole red river goatie. He looked like some kind of Irish rock star, LOL!

Speaking of goaties, have you seen the promos for that new Game Show with Howie Mandel. He looks so different with a goatie and a shaved head. Some people look good with this look and some people can't quite pull it off. Howie is one of the latter. Faces are like pussies and peckers, if you have an ugly one keep a little hair on top of it to draw some attention away from it.

Oh well not much time for a long post but I will be back soon with an update on how the tutorials with Kellie are going. Ta-Ta's for now !

The Virgin Mommy

2005-12-13T21:12:00.000-06:00

I have been busy this week putting together a little Wise Man outfit for Bobby John. He will be a Wise Man in the Christmas Pageant this year at the church. He just looks so darling in his little getup but in a way it is kind of scary. It may just be me but why do the people in the Nativity Scene dress like terrorists?

I have always loved Christmas Pageants ever since I was a little girl. Now that I am a Mommy with kids of my own, I can appreciate all the effort that goes into them. Cutting the sheets for the head wrap and the robes, finding just the right sandels, and trying to figure out just what the hell is frankensence and myrh. Thank God he was the Wise Man with gold. Gold is easy to figure out but I didn't want to take a chance on him losing any of my good jewelry so he will be carrying my nipple rings as a present to the Baby Jesus.

The Pageants also take me back to my childhood. I have soo many fond memories of the Christmas Pageant. I was always picked to be the Virgin Mary as I was such an outgoing child. Sissy was always sooo jealous as she was always picked to be the backend of the ass. She was a chunky as a child and filled out the costume.

Oh well, it's time to go. Pookie is calling. Maybe we can play the virgin and the stableboy. Ta-Ta's for now!

Party Time for Tessa

2005-12-11T11:41:00.000-06:00

As you know, this weekend was the annual Christmas Party for Pookies office. I had been plotting and making plans for a little retribution for Tessa 'Tightass' Taylor. I just could not sit idly by as she scorned me and made Pookie do the odious chore of servicing her nasty ass for his promotion. This party would start turning the table on this sick bitch.

Tessa was making it tough on me as she instituted a new policy of no alcohol at the party. She said that she was worried about the companies liability if someone was drunk and drove home and she also wanted to curtail anyone from being ashamed on Monday morning by what they or their spouses did at the party of an embassing nature. Everyone knows that a little alcohol loosens inhibitions and would allow me to pull off my plans.

I had been planning my vengeance for a while and had enlisted the help of a young intern named Rodney. Rodney was grateful as I had set him up with Kellie and since she is turning into quite the little student, he was indebted to me and would do anything I asked. I got him to hack into Tessa's computer so that I could dig up any dirt that I could possibly use. Boy did he find some useful info.

Her files contained a personal journal where it listed her personal itenery and thoughts of the day. I felt a little dirty reading this personal diary but since it was for the good of my marriage and this bitch deserved it, I got over it. One entry gave me the ammo that I would need to exact vengeance. It said, ' I get so tired of always being the dominant one. Sometimes I feel that I need a lover who will discipline and punish me. I long for a strong lover who will ravage me and humiliate me.' Well, who am I to argue with that.

The night of the party, I took my big purse so I could sneak in a flask to spike the holiday punchbowl and some accessories. The spiked punch worked as expected as Tessa drank her fill not thinking that it contained alcohol and soon she was quite drunk and susceptable to my influence.

I told her that I wanted to talk to her in her office so we could discuss our problem with each other and come up with some compromise that would be acceptable to both of us. She agreed and when we got back to her office, the first thing that I did was to secretly punch the page button on the phone so that every sound would be broadcast over the intercom.

Before she could speak, I grabbed her hair and jerked back her head and kissed her long, hard, and deep. She fought weakly at first but as I knew that this was her fantasy and the alcohol had loosened her inhibitions, she soon responded to my kiss. I then ripped her shirt and pulled down her bra and suckled then bit upon her nipple. I wheeled her around and pulled down her panties now soaked with her juices. She was moaning and screaming for more and the intercom was picking it all up. I then reached into my bag and pulled out my anal intruder toy and lubed it up with her own juices and rested the tip of it on her little button and told her to shut up her screaming and to take it like the little whore that she was. With this she started whimpering and I thought that maybe I had gone to far but when she screamed for more, I knew that I had her. I thrusted the anal intruder in her ass and she bucked like a wild bronco ( I am thankful for my days as a Rodeo Queen so I could ride her the full count). As her moans of pleasure increased to a fever pitch, I reached into my bag and got out my cat-o-nine tails. I pulled the anal intruder out quickly and with an audible pop, she squeeled in pain and delight. Then I whipped her ass until angry red whelps rose up on the cheeks of her ass.

I left her as she begged for more. I got Pookie and headed for home. I did not wish to sit around and gloat. The whole party was slack-jawed at what they had heard. I have no doubt that Tessa will have a hard time terrorising the office as she has done in the past.

I am just glad that my planning paid off and she did want to be humiliated so in a way I gave her just what we both wanted. Ta-Ta's for now.

My Poor Little Pixie

2005-12-08T20:14:00.000-06:00

If you have noticed my weather pixie, you can see that she is freezing her little hiney off. Whenever the weather got cold, my dear old Gramps would always say, ' When the temperature drops and the wind gets cold, there's nuthin like a fat woman to keep you warm at night.' I am not fat but I love trying to keep Pookie warm. A warm water enema and candlewax on the nipples can work wonders.

Tomorrow is Pookie's Annual Christmas Party. I am so looking forward to it as I have plans to get back at Tessa Tightass for her mistreatment of me. I am so busy that I don't have time to say much but I will be back with a full report after the party. Wish me luck, Ta-Ta's for now.

A Quick Snatch of a Post

2005-12-06T21:24:00.000-06:00

With all the busy activities around the holidays, I have not had enough time to write in my blog as much as I like. Today is no different but there is one quick thing that I would like to share. Many blogs that I see often post a thought of the day or a quote from a favorite song or movie. I thought that I would share something that my Mama taught Sissy and me when we were little girls and I asked her the secret of keeping a husband happy. I have tried to live my life by her wise and heartfelt teaching. "Sperm might be salty and sperm might be thick. But think happy thoughts and swallow it quick."

Mommy Mentor

2005-12-03T08:19:00.000-06:00

Something very special happened to me this week. It has filled my life with a new purpose. I have always wanted a daughter. I love my two boys but it seems to me that there is a special bond between a mother and a daughter and it was something that I felt was missing in my life. Now I am a Mommy Mentor.

Kellie, the neighborhood girl, who sometimes watches Bobby John and Billy Ray, was having trouble in her Sex Education Class in school. She told her mother, Becky, (You remember Becky. She is the frigid bitch, who so rudely called me a slut, when I was giving Pookie his morning blowjob in our driveway.) about her problems and Becky advised her to seek my help. She said that if you were to be a good girl, you should only learn about sex from your pastor right before you are married. But as Becky had to get good grades in order to get into Texas Christian University which meant getting good grades in her Sex Education Class, then Kellie should seek tutoring from an expert in the subject and that nobody had more knowledge in this area than me.

Kellie called me up on Thursday and told me of her troubles and asked if I could help tutor her. I had no problem helping her with this she is a sweet and cute girl and I do know my way around a sex manual. So I told her to come over after school the next day and we would start our lessons.

When Kellie got to the house, we went up to the bedroom to study. She told me that, eventhough she was a senior in high school and eighteen, she was a virgin and was following her mothers wishes and was saving herself for marriage and did not even have a steady boyfriend. I told her that she was a very pretty girl and asked her why she did not have a steady boyfriend. She said that all her boyfriends soon grew tired of only getting so far as touching her breasts through her shirt and eventually left her. She said that when she spoke to her mother about this, her mother had told her that the way to a boys heart was through his stomach and she should bake her boyfriend cookies. But though the boys appreciated the cookies, they still kept leaving.

This was a shame and I told her that with a few lessons she could both comply with her mothers wishes and keep a boyfriend. I told her that the way to a boys heart is not through his stomach but through his zipper. So I started our first lesson by putting in a DVD of 'Sorority Cock Suckers' and pulled out Mr. Pinky from under the bed. It is only six inches long so I figured it would not be to large for her to start on. It was like a cock with training wheels.

I told her that giving a blow job was not technically sex as our ex-president Bill Clinton said so and as he was not impeached for saying it, that it must be true. This way she could keep the boys interest and not disappoint her mother. I told her to just do as the professional actress did with Mr. Pinky. I must say she is a natural and only needed a few pointers concerning the finer points such as not scraping with her teeth on the cock and how to relax the throat in order to get the whole thing in her mouth.

After she got the hang of it, I put on my strap on so that she would know what to do with her hands. Such as when to grab the boys balls and gently knead them and when to gently pull on them and when to stroke his cock and when to grab his ass and go for the glory. I also showed her how to position her head so that the boy could look down and see how pretty she looked with his cock in her mouth and not just see the back of her head.

As it was getting close to time for me to start dinner so that it would be ready for Pookie when he got home from work, I gave Kellie some homework. I told her to hook up with a boy that she wanted for a boyfriend and to see if this new tactic would work. I soo know that it will.
I can't wait for our next lesson. I think that their current chapter is about anatomy. That is my favorite parts, sexual anatomy. Oh well Ta-Ta's for now.

Decking The Halls

2005-11-30T19:11:00.000-06:00

This year as I was watching the latino boy that Pookie hired hang the Christmas lights, watching his lean muscles stretch across his tight tee shirt, I got so hot that I knew I must do something to get my mind off of him fucking me right in the front yard. If the job didn't get finished Pookie would get so mad and might never hire the latino boy again and good help is so hard to break in. So I forced myself to think of Chistmas decorations past.

Last year, we had a live nativity scene. The Virgin Mary, Joseph, the baby Jesus, and the Wise Men were all statues but we had real live animals in a little corral around the stable. Late at night on Christmas Eve, the motion sensor light came on. Pookie and I sprang from the bed to see if there really was a Santa Claus but that is not what set off the light. A horny neighborhood boy was sodomizing the goat in the nativity scene. Surely he will need rebaptising to keep his little ass out of hell. Can you just imagine? That is Baby Jesus's goat you nasty little fucker.

Then I looked outside to see the latino boys taut ass flex against his jeans as he reached to hang some icicle lights around the porch. I knew I must restrain myself until he finished his work or it would never get done. I knew that I must go deeper into the past and think of the Christmas decorations from the far away trailer park of my youth.

Daddy would always find the biggest, fullest, prettiest tumbleweed and with a can of flocking bought at the Dollar Store, we would have the start of the prettiest tree in the whole trailer park. Mama would pop the corn for Sissy and me to string into garland and then with a little bit of imagination and craftiness the whole family would fashion our handmade ornaments. Mama would take a little bit of craft paint and make peppermint sticks out of tampon applicators. Daddy would hang crushed Budweiser cans on the tree. Daddy always said that Budweiser was the festive beer as the cans are red and white and it is the only time that he would splurge and not buy his usual Milwaukee's Best. Daddy would then lift Sissy and me up to hang the star on the top of the tree. The star was so pretty and as it was made from the aluminum foil inside empty packs of Marlboro's, it would shine and twinkle from the neon Coors sign above the living room couch.

The next time I looked outside, the latino boy was finishing up the last string of lights. I went out to offer him refreshments. After a couple of festive brews, I showed him how after I had trimmed the tree, I had trimmed my bush and airbrushed a tattoo of mistletoe on my belly. He had to kiss below the mistletoe That is the rules you know.

Ta-Ta's for now.

Getting Festive

2005-11-28T17:12:00.000-06:00

Whew, it was an exhausting weekend. With Thanksgiving dinner, Black Friday Shopping, making out a christmas list, and decorating for the holidays, a mommies work is never done. I have already posted about our Thanksgiving festivities so I will attempt to briefly touch on a few of the other subjects.

I love shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The spirit of Christmas fills the air and there are always good buys for the early birds willing to fight for them. Sherri, Sally, and myself hit the stores early. Just like with any other sport, it is nice to go in like a team and have a clear cut goal and plan. The first store we hit was Circuit City since all three of us were wanting to pick up some new electronics for our hubbies. The store opened at 7 in the morning and people started lining up at 3 in the morning. I am just not able to function that early in the morning so we got there at 6:30. We had figured right and the front of the line was packed with young gamer nerds hoping to get their hands on an XBox 360 at a discount. This fit perfectly in with our plans. Sherri and Sally started kissing beside the front of the line in order to create a diversion which would allow me to slip into the front of the line. Todays youth are more jaded and hooked on games so it took more than a little kissing to create the needed diversion, and by the time they were through with their little show, the gamers icicles were melted and I was at the front of the line.

The rest of the shopping did not go as smoothly, as most of the stores were filled with mean mommy bitches like the ones that got me kicked out of blog explosion. We got tired of these bitches and decided to go to the Xmall to window shop and make out a Christmas list of gifts for our hubbies to buy us. The Xmall is a cute little strip mall holding a variety of adult stores; there is the Barely There Lingerie Boutique, the Phunky Phun Phurniture Store ( which specializes in bawdy boudoir furniture and accessories), the Honey Pot Gift Store ( for gels, creams, lotions, and toys) , and the Skinamark DVD Outlet. I found a couple of things to put on my Santa list. For one I would like a hanging chair like Dear Jane told me about and I also saw a sybian which looks like a cute little saddle with a wickedly fun saddlehorn. I had always asked Santa for a pony when I was a little girl but Daddy always told me that Santa couldn't bring me one because there was nowhere to keep it in the trailer park. But the sybian looks like a much better pony anyway. You don't have to feed it and the only cleaning it requires is a wet wash cloth and a bottle of sex toy cleaning fluid.

Sherri and Sally found all kinds of things for their list and some things I remembered as to get them as stocking stuffers ( lol, doesn't that sound yummy funny) and a few little things we got to take home. We all went back to Sally's and tried out some of the things from the Xmall. It was so much fun but I got an allergic reaction from the vaginal warming gel and my tongue developed a painful rash. Oh well, it went away the next day.

Shoot, I am too tired to talk about the christmas decorations so I will be back Wednesday to let everyone know how that came out. Ta-Ta's for now.

Home For The Holiday

2005-11-25T08:53:00.000-06:00

This year Pookie and I decided to stay home for Thanksgiving. We usually take turns spending the holiday between my family in the trailer park over in Fort Worth or his family in the snooty suburb of Richardson. But as the last two years have been a disaster, we decided to spend quality time with Bobby John and Billy Ray at home.

Last year was spent at my familys. I was so proud of Daddy to see that he had put on his cleanest wife-beater but Pookie was not entertained when he couldn't watch the football games because Daddy wouldn't flip the channel from the Animal Planet Mating marathon. Pookie got soo horny watching animals fuck that we went out back so I could give him a blow job. We didn't see the kids playing in the back yard and they spied us. All through the Thanksgiving meal, Sissies little girl Alicia was imitating our little tryst by sucking on a drumstick. She kept raking her teeth along the bone making a horrible noise. Sissy jumped on her little butt and asked her what she was doing and the little darling said that she was practicing to be just like her Auntie Ann. Sissy through a hissy fit and screamed at her that she was not going to grow up to be a cocksucking whore and to get the bone out of her mouth. Sissy is such a frigid bitch. She has never got over the fact that her husband left her for a man. When he was walking out the door, he shot back that if she gave a blow job as good as her sister, he would never have turned gay. She was soo mad that I was complimented for sucking a cock as good as a queer.

The year before at Pookie's family, I will only say that we accidently embarrassed Pookie's mother. We were playing our favorite Thanksgiving sex role game of Pocahontas and the Pilgrim. she mistook my 'WOO WOO' sound for the fire alarm and walked in as I was 'gobbling his giblets' (hee hee).

This year after the Thanksgiving Feast and the boys were taking a little nap, Pookie and I laughed about the past two Thanksgivings. I don't know if he laughed soo hard because it was soo funny or because I was tickling his asshole with my Pocahontas feather.

Ohh well. Happy Thanksgiving and Ta-Ta's for now.

Maybe Busted But I've Got The Whip

2005-11-21T18:30:00.000-06:00

This weekend on my way home from taking the little crumbcrunchers to their Grammy's over at the trailer park in Fort Worth, I was busted. I looked in my rearview mirror and noticed the flashing lights of a motorcycle cop. I wasn't too worried as I have always been able to 'work' my way out of any ticket.

When the patrolman walked to my car, I knew I was in luck. He was a Latino man looking so macho in his leather boots and tight pants. I flirted with him at the window and noticed his name tag said Sgt. Estrada. I giggled and asked him if he was related to Eric Estrada and he said that yes he was his son but was estranged from his father and hadn't spoken to him in awhile.
After finding out that I was home alone as Pookie was working this weekend and my kids were at their Grammy's, he said it would probably be best if he escorted me home and talk about my 'violation' there.

I invited him in to look at my recent redecoration and he was more than happy to take a look. When we got to the bedroom I flipped the switch on the lights in the false beam, which also flipped on the camera. He undressed me, squeezing my nipples leaving me breathless. He nuzzled my neck and whispered what he wanted and needed. It seemed a little kinky but I am always up for a little kink.

He stripped off his clothes and got down on all fours where I could handcuff him to the footboard of the bed. I am so glad that this was still in view of the camera. I then put on my thigh high boots and got out my cat-o-nine tails. I whipped his ass as he screamed that he had been a bad boy and needed punishment and to give him more. I placed my foot under his eager mouth so he could lick my boots. Then I put on my strap on dildo, the black lucky 13" dildo with knobbies, and shoved it up his ass. He moaned, 'Fuck Me, Harder, Faster', so I obliged him. Then I reached around his waist and jerked his cock until he exploded onto the floor.

As he was leaving, he wrote me a warning ticket. With the roar of the motorcycle echoing down the street, I read the warning ticket. It said that to get out of the violation next time, I would need to get a larger accesory for my strap on dildo.

I know Pookie will enjoy the tape, he's a friend of the force you know. But now I have to add carpet cleaner to my Thanksgiving Day shopping list. Well Ta-Ta's for now.

Home Decorating Ala Ann

2005-11-18T20:30:00.000-06:00

As you know if you have read my profile, I just love Trading Spaces. I prefer the older episodes with Paige Davis. She is soo cute and soo perky and when she talks about tongue and groove flooring, I get positively sticky.

I have been wanting to do some home decorating of my own and Pookie finally let me design OUR NEW BEDROOM. It was soo boring and it really showed on the video tapes that we like to make. Excepting mega-flab or boring sexplay absolutely nothing ruins a homemade porno like a terrible set.

The first thing that I did was paint the walls a nice nuetral color. You don't want the walls to clash with any sexy outfits. Then I created a false beam on the ceiling with lightweight wood. This was to house lighting and a camera. The tripod on the floor looks tacky and if the action gets heavy you can crash into it and get a yucky bruise. Then I bought black sheets and a black comforter and shams. A word to the wise; light colors glare and glare is not nice. You might glare out the best parts and that sucks. I like all my parts to show.

I bought a new wardrobe to hold all my lingerie and sex-role outfits. You don't want to be fumbling through your flannel nighties in order to find your Wonder Woman outfit. Pookie helped me install a stripper pole. He loves to watch the way that I can handle a pole. I also took some used Kleenex boxes and painted them to hold toys, handcuffs, jells, and creams. I just love being crafty.

Now it is all done and tonite me and Pookie will try it out. I slipped him some extra Viagra just like the real Porn Stars so I know he won't be too tired!! Well Ta-Ta's for now.

Hiding The Roots

2005-11-15T22:15:00.000-06:00

When Pookie got home this evening, he blindsided me. He explained that at the office today Tessa asked him if he was sure that Billy Ray was his child since his complexion is so much darker than either his or mine. And that she convinced him that he should take a DNA test on Billy Ray to be sure that he is the father.

I broke out crying and then flew into a rage. 'How can you doubt me like a common tramp.(Nothing about me is common.) I have always remained faithful to you and your family. And every man that I have ever been with you have been there or at least seen the video tape.' It worked and he apoligised for doubting me. Stick to the story that is the moral of every episode of Cold Case Files.

I do not know why I couldn't tell Pookie of Billy Ray's conception then and I certainly cannot tell him now. I had left Bobby John with Pookie and gone to the store to get bred. (Oopsy misspell should have been bread.) On the way to the store, I noticed a bus broke down on the side of the road. Like the Good Samaritan that the minister preaches about, I stopped to see if I could help. The driver explained that a limo was coming to pick up the musician and a wrecker had already been called to pick up the tour bus. I was excited to find out that this was a tour bus with a famous musician inside and nearly fainted when the driver asked if I would like to check out the bus and meet the musician.

The first thing that I noticed on the bus was a smell that was like an exotic scented candle. The driver introduced me to the musician, who I will call Rapper X, then left to wait on the wrecker. Rapper X showed me around the bus and I noticed a beautiful vase. When I mentioned that I liked his vase he laughed and said that it wasn't a vase but a water pipe and would I like to smoke some shit. I told him that I didn't even smoke tobacco and it took me the longest time to get used to the smell of shit while changing Bobby John's diapers and there was no way that I was going to smoke shit. He laughed and said it wasn't really shit but a medicinal herb that would help me relax. This is something that every mommy could use and besides I have always wanted to try homeopathic medicine.

Boy did it ever work. After one puff, I was totally relaxed and the next few puffs went straight to my pussy. That is when Rapper X told me that he would like to hit it. I was shocked and told him that I thought we were having a good time and did not know why he wanted to get violent. He laughed and said that he didn't really want to hit me but would like to do me Doggy Dog style since he admired the junk in my trunk. I do not know what the condition of my car's trunk had to do with anything but I am always in the mood for a good fuck and under the effects of the medicinal herb, I was eager.

As I was getting off the bus, the limo pulled up. Rapper X told me that my pussy was the shizzle. I really don't know what the shizzle means but I guess doing all those Kegal exercises paid off.

Oh well disaster averted or at least postponed. Ta-Ta's for now.

Titty Titty

2005-11-13T07:41:00.000-06:00

Yesterday afternoon my little kitty-cat, who goes by the name of Titty Titty, ran outside as Bobby John went out to play. When Bobby John came back inside, he didn't bring Titty Titty back in with him. I was worrien as she is an indoors kitty and doesn't realize how cruel the world can be. My mind raced with a thousand thoughts. What if she got ran over by a car or wandered around hungry until she was forced to eat scraps outside a Chinese Food Restaurant and ended up as Sweet and Sour Titty Titty.

I searched outside frantically for Titty Titty but could find her nowhere. I called out, Titty Titty - Titty Titty - Titty Titty. That is when I noticed the fat ass neighbor Mr. Moobsman raking leaves in his yard. He grabbed his big man boobs and shook them at me. "You talking about these", he yelled. I screamed back,"No These", as I pulled up my top and flashed my tits at him. Uhh, nasty moobs man, GROSS!!! His might have been a little bigger but mine are a lot prettier, I assure you.

That is when Titty Titty pounced from behind the bushes. I guess it was the sight of Mommie's breasts that made her come running. I was so happy to see her unharmed. I don't know what I would do without my Titty Titty. I just love the way she licks cream :D

Now I am off to get the kids ready for Sunday services. I just love hearing the minister speak of sins of the flesh. It makes me all tingly inside. Ta Ta's for now.

The Boss Is A Bitch

2005-11-10T22:30:00.000-06:00

The dinner yesterday evening was a complete and horrid disaster. When Pookie showed up with his boss, it wasn't Mr. Weinke his kindly old boss. I liked him he was so kind, generous, and fun. At the annual Christmas party last year, he helped me sit on the copy machine and then helped post the picture of my ass on all of the companies bulletin boards. Afterwards he gave me a twenty dollar bonus just for letting him keep my dirty panties. But noo it wasn't Mr. Weinke, it was his new boss, Tessa 'Tightass' Taylor.

The evening started out well, I had made a scrumptious meal and a neighborhood girl, Kellie, had agreed to keep my little hellions. When Pookie got home, his new boss took me aback but since she had a cute little tushy and perky breasts, I knew that this evening could be a lot of fun. After the main dish, I slipped off and put on my French Maid Oufit and brought in the dessert:ME.

I eased to the table beside her and sprayed some Reddi-Whip from the can onto my nipples and offered her the first lick. She had the nerve to call me a little tramp and said that it was a wonder that Pookie has stayed with me for so long and that I should be ashamed of myself. Then she told me that she has been 'draining' Pookie at work so that he wouldn't have to service his slutty wife when he came home.

I was so upset that I slapped the bitch and ran upstairs crying. I am sure that Pookie did this tightass little bitch right in our own living room. I can't believe that he would stick his thingy in anyone that was so cruel to me. Later when the boss had left, I went to pick up the kids from Kellie's. Not even the sight of her cute little cotton panties peeking from underneath the skirt of her schoolgirl uniform as she was picking up Billy Ray made me feel better.

I spent the night crying on the couch. This morning Pookie explained that he was doing the boss for us and she was forcing him to service her as part of his raise and promotion. He said that I was the one he loved and Tessa meant nothing to him. I was so happy that I really made an effort to give him the best morning blowjob ever but I lost it and started crying again when I got the funny taste of her nasty twat in my mouth.

But I will get that bitch back, just you wait and see. Ta-Ta's for now.

Kids Do The Cutest Things

2005-11-08T20:31:00.000-06:00

Today when Bobby John got out of Pre-K, I went to fix him a snack. I got out the bag of Cheetos but when I went to get him his fruit juice, the bottle was empty. I searched for some kiddie appropriate drink and low and behold there it was; A bottle of Boone's Farm Apple Wine. It is made of fruit juice and Jesus turned water into wine and Jesus wouldn't make anything icky or bad for kids so it had to be good for him. After that I set him up in the living room with a Sponge Bob DVD and went back to the utility room to do some laundry.

I did three loads and was exhausted. The spin cycle really took it out of me. I went back to check on Bobby John and Billy Ray and was I ever surprised. Bobby John had found my hummingbird vibrator under the couch and strapped it to his little tallywhacker with a Scooby Doo Bandaid. He looked up at me with the cutest little smile and said to me, "Mommy, it tickles my tee-tee". ISN'T HE THE CUTEST THING!!! I was really impressed with his ingenuity maybe he will grow up to be an engineer or start a toy business. I can see it now, 'Bobby John's Boner Buddies'.

Oh well I have been so busy preparing for the upcoming dinner with the boss. Wish me luck. Ta Ta's for now.

Good News

2005-11-07T23:58:00.000-06:00

The good news is that Pookie got his raise and a promotion at work. He was so happy. When the crumb crunchers went to bed, he treated me to candlelight and bathed me in a hot luscious bubblebath. He felt so bad about not giving me a kiss goodbye that morning that he licked my cinnamon ring like when we first met. At first I was hesitant as my poor little pooper was sore from the hard anal pounding from that morning, but his tender ministrations had the little booger winking with delight in no time at all and soon I was ready to take all he could give but he fell asleep. Oh well he has been working hard so I just finished up with some of my slumber party toys.

The past few days have been trying. Pookie still enjoys his morning blowjob but lately he has been coming in drained. Even the little blue pills haven't helped that much. I was feeling so undersexed that even my toys from the slumber party have left me unfulfilled. That is why I called the plumber to install a new pulsating showerhead in the shower.

After the plumber installed the showerhead, he offered to stay and watch me shower to make sure everything was working properly. After the final wave of my orgasm pulsed through my body, Freddy the plumber said that everything appeared to work properly but that he would feel better if he snaked my drain. Now I know why they call him the Roto-Rooter man. I will never look at a plumbers crack the same way again. But I better watch it when we got out of the shower, I was as pruny and wrinkly as an old geezers nut sack. And I should know from my days as a candy striper in a nursing home.

Pookie told me this evening before he crashed out that he was bringing his boss home for dinner Wednesday night. Maybe when the boss sees that Pookie isn't the only 'worker bee' in the family, Pookie will get a bonus. For dinner I was thinking of cooking a Pot Roast and some new potatoes and for dessert maybe a nice flavor of edible panties, hee hee. Oh I know everything will work out perfectly.Wish me luck. I will be back Thursday to tell you how it went. Ta-Ta's for now!!!

Getting a Raise!

2005-11-01T08:53:00.000-06:00

So today Pookie is going up for a big promotion! I had to make sure he was nice and relaxed. He gets so tense and stressed during business meetings. So I woke up early this morning to give him his morning blow job and for some reason my poor Pookie just couldn't get it up. He was soo sad, but I told him not to worry about it we can have a little breakfast before the kids get up. Plus, I know just how to deal with a Mr. Limpy. So I grabbed a couple of Viagra I have hidden away for when I go do mission work at the nursing home and I crushed it up and placed some in his orange juice. In no time Pookie was ready for his BJ! So like a good little housewifey I gladly took matter into my hands... and mouth! Turns out I may have put to much Viagra in his OJ because no matter what I did it stayed rock hard! A few minutes later I started to hear little Billy Ray crying, so I told Pookie I would have to go upstair and check on Billy Ray. My hands were cramping! I went up to his room to see what was wrong. My hubby followed me and as I leaned over his cradle Pookie pulled up my gown slid my panties over. He whispered in my ear, I need something a little tighter then your mouth, and started doing me anally! It hurt at first, but it might not be as tight as he thought! (Hee Hee) I finally calmed down Billy Ray and Pookie didn't last much longer, he always gets off quick with an audience. He then started cussing saying I made him late and he ran downstairs to his car and peeled out trying to get to work on time. He didn't even give me a kiss goodbye! :(

Love Thy Neighbor

2005-10-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

I overslept today and almost forgot to give Pookie his goobye BJ this morning, so I ran out into the driveway in my nightie to do it. I saw my neighbor Becky walking her kids to the bus stop and freed up a hand to wave hello to her. I couldn't actually say hello, because my mouth was full of my long and hard Pookie. But that rude bitch did non even wave back. She just covered her kids eyes and rushed past like she didn't even know us.

The BJ took a little longer than normal because it has been getting cold at night, so Pookie had a little further to go this morning...tee hee. So I was just finishing him up when Becky walked back past our driveway and you know what she said to me? She yelled "You stupid whore. What is wrong with you? Everybody knows you've been with practically every guy in town." And I said "You dirty cunt. I am not a whore. I do it for free. And I have been with every guy in town, including your puny husband." I was not trying to be mean or ugly when I called her a dirty cunt. Her husband told me she really is. That's where he got the venereal warts from. I put him on my DNF (Do Not Fuck) list for awhile. Warts are icky.

Anywho, I just can't figure out why my neighbors hate me so much...well, my female neighbors. All the men around here seem to really lick, I mean like me.

Tootaloo...my friend asked me to go do BJ's with her and some friends. I wonder if she means blow jobs, or BJ's, like Sam's Club. Whatever, it sounds like fun!

Lesson Learned

2005-10-20T12:27:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but I just couldn't seem to keep my fingers on the keyboard lately. I don't know what has cum over me. I guess I'm just a horny little housewife, that's all.

Yesterday, the Minister and his wife Sherri came over for our weekly Bible study. The minister likes for me and Sherri to wear our naughty schoolgirl uniforms when he cums over to teach us stuff. Silly me, I forgot to take off my panties before he came over. So when I bent down in front of the Minister, he noticed I still had on my panties and said he had to punish me.

So Sherri ripped my panties off with her mouth and then I stood in front of the minister who was seated on the sofa. He told me to spread my legs real wide then bend over right in front of him, so Sherri could paddle me. He said Sherri wasn't banging me hard enough with the paddle, so he had to do it.

Oooooooooh, he was right. Because if your legs are spread real wide like that without panties on and you get spanked hard enough it vibrates your clit enough to give you an orgasm. The only thing better than that was when the minister gave it to me real hard from behind. Mmmmmm I think I've learned my lesson for the day.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The Master Baiter

2005-10-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but I've been really busy. Our house has been over run with cockroaches. This is the only kind of cock that I do not love all over me. Bobby John told me there were bugs crawling in his cereal and I told him to shut the hell up and eat his Raisin Bran, because I was giving his father a blow job goodbye. I mean, a goodbye kiss is so mundane. Plus, I want him to have a reason to want to come home right after work, right?

So, I called the bug guy to come over. He told me that he had the best product to get rid of bugs. It is called the master baiter. I said, hey I ordered one of those from that slumber party the other night. Too bad it didn't come in the mail yet. And wouldn't you know it, I have THE BEST LUCK! The doorbell rang and it was the UPS man. He had my slumber party package. I asked him to come inside so I could make sure it worked before he left, in case I needed to return it.

Oh yes, my hummingbird vibe. Damn, it didn't come with batteries. Hey Bobby John bring me your stupid Tellytubbies toy, so I can use the batteries from it. Who cares if it's your favorite toy...this is MY favorite toy. Now take your brother and go upstairs so I can get down to business.

That bug guy kept wanting to go out to his van to get his master baiter, but I wanted him to use mine. I told him it wouldn't take long with my hummingbird, especially if each of them sucked on my tits a little while I used it.

Ohhhhhh, it was a yummy hummmmy-ingbird. They would have been on their way, but that stupid kid came down stairs and told them about my BJ goodbye for daddy this morning, and they each wanted one, too. I kind of felt obligated, like tipping for good service, I guess.

So I sucked the bug guy high and dry. Then the UPS man got so hot watching me in action that he wanted more. I told him I was still sore from all the bronco riding I did with Pookie and his brothers over the weekend. So he said how about a titty fuck then? Nothing like a good titty fuck to get you UP in the morning, huh? I know the UPS man thinks so!

Slumber Parties

2005-10-14T14:16:00.000-05:00

My friend Layla invited me to a slumber party last night. I told her I did not have a sleeping bag, but she said I did not need one. Silly, I never heard of going to a slumber party without a sleeping bag.

Anyhoo, I got dressed in my see through baby doll nightie and thong panties because I recall that if you do not dress up, then they put your panties in the freezer after you fall asleep. And I certainly do not want to get frigid.

When I arrived, I discovered that Slumber Party was a company that sells sex toys and lotions and stuff. This was just like a Tupperware party, only better. I asked the sales woman if Layla and I could take some of the products upstairs so we could try before we buy. Now, this is not something I would do with just any of my friends. But Layla is so gorgeous and sexy. She is Hawaiian and has smooth silky skin that always smells like coconut. I have always wondered if she tasted like coconut, too.

We started out with the bosom buddy. Layla rubbed this on my nipples and it makes them stay hard, even after she licked and sucked it all off. Layla was a little bit nervous because she had never done anything like this before. But then I peeled her clothes off and tried the edible finger paint on her, and she liked it. I rubbed it all over her body and then slowly licked it off. And she did taste like warm creamy coconut.

She really liked it. She liked it so much that her husband Derrick heard us and came upstairs. He was so shocked that his straight-laced goodie goodie wife was naked on the bed with me licking and kissing her from head to toe.

I asked him if wanted to join us for a three way. He tore his clothes off so fast he actually tripped on them. I tried not to laugh because I did not want him to lose his hard on. So then he laid on the bed and Layla sat on his face so she and I could still kiss and I was about to ride him hard. But then I remembered that we were supposed to be trying out the slumber party products.

So I rummaged through the pile we had brought upstairs and put the double trouble cock ring on him. Oh, man. I know I have heard somewhere that if you ride a horse the right way, you can have an orgasm. Well, Yippee-kiy-a cowboy. I came so loud and so hard that all the other girls came upstairs to see what was going on.

You know, slumber parties can be a lot of fun. But sometimes you end up being up all night. I know Derrick was.

How Promiscuous Are you?

2005-10-13T09:15:00.000-05:00

I got this quiz from dear Jane. I was sad that I did not score 100%, so I invited over the Minister to help me pray about it. I am down on my knees with him right now praying about how to do better with my wifely duties. A christian woman's work is never done.

I am 96% Promiscuous.

I am never satisfied. I spend most of the time getting some or figuring out how to get some. It's why we were put here. Something that feels that good should done often and for long periods of time.

Take the
Promiscuous Test
@ FualiDotCom

Lickety Split

2005-10-12T13:11:00.000-05:00

Pookie invited over all his brothers for dinner last night so we could try out our new George Foreman grill. I had planned on serving a cherry tart for dessert, but my friend Sally came over earlier in the day, and we just ate it all up. So, after dinner Pookie said, we can play a game called banana split. Ooooohh, I love games. So Pookie had me get undressed and lie down on the dining room table. He blindfolded me and tied my arms and legs to each of the chairs and he said they could all make banana splits on me and eat them off. But Pookie, we do not have any bananas left. Do you want me to run to the store to get some more? Oh no he said, we can improvise.

It was hard for me to tell which brother was which, with the blindfold on. But now I definitely know which one is the big brother. Tee hee. So they first scooped the ice cream on me. It was so cold and creamy, especially between my thighs. Yummy! Next came the marshmallow and caramel sauce. I sure am glad I had that Brazilian wax done this week, or this could be quite a sticky, icky mess. They tried putting that chocolate sauce that turns into a hardened shell, but I guess I was too hot and it wouldn,t get hard.

So, Pookie had the brilliant idea to drop a bucket of crushed ice on my tits. That chocolate sauce (and lots of other things) got hard real fast. Next came the bananas. Ok, one in my mouth, one up my ass and one you know where. But wait Pookie, I thought there were four of you Alsex boys. Pookie said his little brother Peter was videotaping, so we could watch it at their next family reunion. That Pookie is so smart, thinking ahead like that.

Anyhoo, the last thing we needed was the whipped cream. And then finally, it came, and came and came. All in my mouth, all over my tits and I think some even landed on the wall behind me. I sure am glad my house-cleaning boy Pedro is coming over tomorrow.

Banana splits sure can get messy. But boy oh boy are they delicious!

Bitter Pills

2005-10-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

Little Billy Ray was sick this week. Well, I think he has been sick for a few months, but he started looking a little blue. And with his skin pigmentation problem, he just did not look good. So when I got him into the doctors office, I stripped from the waist down like I always do when I bring the kids to see their pediatrician. I do not know, the doctor said it helps him to diagnose the kids better when he can examine where they came from.

I guess he likes to take a careful history. And if this doctor is one thing, it is thorough. I do not care that he received his mail order medical degree from Jamaica and is not legally allowed to practice medicine in 47 states of the union, nor that he has 17 pending lawsuits for sexual harassment. He is a good, hard working doctor. And I can spot a good doctor when I see one.

Anyway, since he was down there going to town I told him that I have been feeling this burning sensation down there in my private parts. So he unlocked the door and turned the lights back on to take a good look and he kind of backed away and washed his hands and mouth real good. I do not know what he saw, but he said that I should not bring the kids in to see him until I finish this bottle of pills. I grabbed the pills and went home.

When I got home, I read the bottle and it said take one by mouth two times a day. My Goodness. Do you know how long it is going to take me to finish off the neighborhood men if I have to do it by mouth, and only one at a time? What if I don,t finish them off before Pookie gets home? Well, I guess in a pinch, he can help me out like he has in the past, but still.

A womans work is just never done.

Silly Sally

2005-10-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

The kids had off from school today, so my friend Sally brought over her two munchkins so we could try out her new recipe for sugar cookies. Sally and I wanted to make sure the kids did not get burned on the hot oven, or interrupt us when we were licking the frosting off of each other, so we stuck all four of them in the playpen. They had a great time.

Anyhoo, we got out the ingredients and started mixing them up and I had the silly idea that I could use the frosting to make a bikini. Next, I took off all my clothes and spread the frosting real thick. It was peppermint frosting and it felt cool and tingly. But all the sudden we heard the doorbell ring, and we did not want to get caught being naughty so I said Sally, be a dear, and lick all the frosting off me.

That Sally is such a good friend. So all the licking, and rubbing and kissing got us pretty hot, but I wanted more. But I knew that my secret stash of sex toys was all the way upstairs and I did not want to leave to go get them in case one of the kids got out of the playpen and got burned on the stove. See what a good mommy I am? Just then, Sally and I made an amazing discovery. Did you know that if you use some Crisco to lube it up real good, you can use a rolling pin to do the job? Mmmmm what a good hard job it did.

But we were so into what we were doing, that we let the cookies burn in the oven. Tee hee. I said do not worry I will go to the bakery and buy us some if you stay here with the kids. I left in such a rush, and was distracted from all the foreplay, that when I got to the bakery, I realized I had forgotten my purse. Harry the baker man said do not worry honey, we can make some arrangement. How many cookies do you need? I answered, Just a dozen please. So I paid Harry 12 times and afterward I said, I just cannot decide if I like sucking or fucking better. So Harry gave it to me one more time and I decided I like fucking better. I guess I got a bakers dozen on that trip. LOL

When I got back home, it was just about time for Pookie to come home and enjoy his dessert. That Sally, she can come over any time to help me get things done in the kitchen. And I have just one word for her cookies delicious!

My New iPod.

2005-10-07T10:55:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I bought me an iPod and had Pookie put together my iPod Shuffle. I'm in LOVE! Why didn't you guys tell me what I've been missing not having been a part of the iPod generation until now? My first outing with it was this morning as I walked from the garage to the dumpster to take out the trash. I've not worn earphones and ambulated at the same time since the advent of the Sony Walkman. Yeah, my powers of paying attention to where I'm going were a bit compromised, but I didn't hurt anyone too badly. Also, despite what you may have heard, I was not even close to getting run over when I walked out in front of that car, it was all exaggerated. You know what car I'm talking about the one who goes TOO FAST. Since being initiated into the Cult of iPod, I have been acutely more aware of the other members, heeheehee, and the toys that they have for theirs. heeheehee. I have toys for my Pookie member. Anyway, I've been busy looking for accessories since: a. I am oh so very stylish like that, and b. it's really small, so I need to PIMP it out so I can find it. I decided a quick trip to the projects would have just the right kind of BLING for my little iPod. A nice man on the corner offered to be my pimp, but I declined his generous offer and he sold me some cheap BLING. Now I have an iPodizzle! When I got home my husbands little brother was on the coach eating Cheetos again and he asked me what the hell I needed an iPod for. I told him it's an iPodizzle stupid and if he was going to continue to watch porn and eat Cheetos his dick would turn orange! He told me that's what my mouth was for and to get to it. What an ass! So later that night while brushing the orange out of my teeth, I got to thinking, I’m just a cute techy mommy!

Child Labor

2005-10-06T18:42:00.000-05:00

So I bribed the kids into picking up cigarette butts in the front yard. A WHOLE penny per cigarette butt. Bobby John got 98 cents and Billy Ray got 35 cents. I even managed get 45 cents. ;)

And most importantly, some of the butts still had a few drags in them!

Easy Like Sunday Morning?

2005-10-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

I got soooo much done yesterday. I did all my laundry, cleaned up the dungeon, the kitchen, bathroom, playroom, living room, swept the kitchen and vacuumed EVERYTHING! And I had dinner all ready and waiting in the oven for my little Pookie Bear! so I could invite Sherri over, go pick up Bobby John from day care and we could all go to AutoZone and spend some time together just browsing. Then we could eat when we got back home. So right around the time I was getting ready to call Sherri, Pookie's little brother rings the doorbell. So he comes in. I call Pookie and say.

Honey, did you know your brother's here? Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you he was coming over.

So, I've been just, like sitting here for a few hours with my Pookie's little brother waiting for Pookie to get home. No Sherri or anything today. Then he called and said he wouldn't be home until SIX, so that pretty much shoots my plan to go to NAPA with the kids and spend time with Bobby John. Why the heck would I drag the kids out in the dark cold night? So I gave Pookie's little brother a quick blowjob while waiting for my husband to come home. The life of a housewife is always unpredictable, but I hate it when my plans get spoiled!!

Some people hate me I need a hug.

2005-10-02T15:06:00.000-05:00

Poor little me was kicked out of Bog Explosion today for profanity! As you can see from my earlier posts there is absolutely no profanity on my little bloggie. I even put asterisks in what the NASCAR racer said with his filthy little mouth. We all know what the real reason is. Someone doesn't like me. I can't believe that when I'm such a lovable and huggable person. Even my mentor thinks my site is humorous. My site is designed after her's not for hate, but for love. She is just the best little mommy out there and she can practice giving me mouth to mouth anytime she wants too. I dont know why her little sister hates me. She is so scrumptious with her little piercing. I wonder if she has any other piercings? Are you a naughty little hip mommy?

Toby Keith vs Yhe Wiggles

2005-09-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

We were on the way to Pookie's office for lunch today when Toby Keith came on. I turned the radio up.

"Wiggles?" came a sharp reply from the backseat.

"No, Toby Keith. We like Toby Keith, don't we Billy Ray?" I pondered, thinking of many a drunken trailer park nights drinking tequila and slurring to "Blue Moon."

"Wiggles!" screamed Billy Ray.

Listen up my little broken condom, there's apparently very little that I can control in the world and it's your sad luck that one thing I do happen to have power over is my car's radio. Nah, nah, nah, nah boo-boo Now, you will sit quietly and listen to Toby as I try to maneuver through the Projects to pick up my daily crack rocks before meeting Pookie.

Kids at Play

2005-09-30T14:04:00.000-05:00

I am convinced Billy Ray's first words are going to be "OHHH Sherri". Is it my fault she always comes over and cums? Well maybe the last part is. Hehehehe. Anyway... back to what I was going to write about. I live on a pretty slow street traffic wise. The speed limit is 30, but that maybe too fast I think it should be 10. What is Bobby John or Billy Ray got hurt? I just let them run around in the front yard while I'm busy. I mean who would harm my little cuties? There are a about dozen kids on this street so people should know to slow down. The other day though I noticed that people go far to fast on the road. Why are they trying to qualify for NASCAR. Now I love NASCAR as much as my ex-boyfriend Bobby Joe does, but enough is enough. I don't live in the trailer park anymore thank you very much! This is a neighborhood and kids should be allowed to play. Me and some neighbors even got together and created a sign with glitter paint and everything that says "caution, children at play". I don't understand why people don't follow it. It's mommy's law in the suburbs! Last night there was an incident and this mommy is still fired up! A car came around the corner and was easily going 31 mph, easily. So I stepped out into the street. He slowed but didn't stop. There were 2 other mommies out at the time and we all yelled SLOW DOWN!! About 15 minutes later this guy comes back with a few friends, races up where we are, slams on his brakes and yells "the speed limit is 30, keep your f*****g kids out of the street" Well we allowed him and his friends to pull a train on us, but let me tell you I was not a happy camper and I did not swallow like that slut Amy! When they finished they went back in their car and peeled out flipping us the bird! How immature can you get?

Corn of the Cob

2005-09-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

I can't believe sooo many people are reading my little bloggie! How did you know I was such a good cook too! I have all the receipes that you asked for and here is my corn on the cob recipe:

Grilled Corn on the Cob
Obviously you need corn and your favorite butter. I like Land of Lakes. First thing to do is to get your pookie to heat up the grill. Fire is a little to complicated for us women so get your husband to tend to it. Now the fun part buttereing your corn.

Make sure your butter is soft that way it will easily spread from your hands. Be gentle, yet firm with the corn. If the corn has an unusual girth, your hand may not completely encircle it. In such cases, try both hands to insure you don't miss any of the tender areas while buttering. The movements should be swift and smooth, without bumping or stalling.

One of the secrets of good buttered corn is varying your hand motions. Here are a few indispensable techniques:

Bring both well-buttered hands down on the corn. Some cobs are so big they require both hands. If your corn's doesn't, then use the other hand grip the base of the corn's shaft. If both hands fit along the length of the shaft, move them together, up and down, in the typical pumping motion. Pretend you're holding a baseball bat and are about to score a grand slam. You can also vary the directions of your hands, one up, one down at the same time. There's no doubt that two hands are better than one.
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the corn from the top all the way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile you're bringing your corresponding hand down to the top of the shaft, creating an alternating beating motion. Think of those blacksmith duos who keep up a double beat pounding motion as they beat that rod of iron on a piping-hot anvil.
Take the corn in both hands, fingers lightly touching the sides of the corn's shaft. In order to visualize the position, think of yourself holding a clarinet. Now flick the corn back and forth between your two hands evenly buttered. Shuttling it back and forth in this manner may not seem incredibly thrilling at first, pretty soon, as it builds up momentum, it will butter the corn. Buttering via this method is sometimes messy, but the results are alway memorable.

After you've buttered the corn wrap each ear of corn in double thickness heavy-duty aluminum foil; tightly seal top and sides. Have you hubbie place corn on grill directly over coals. Grill, turning every 5 minutes, until tender 20 to 25 minutes.

A Crazy Afternoon

2005-09-28T16:57:00.000-05:00

So the minister and his wife Sherri left just a few minutes ago. Those two are just the funniest people! Then I had to clean and sort everything away as my husband comes home in about an hour. Speaking of come I came 3 times! That Sherri is just a little wild thing down in the muff. Anyway, I went to get Billy Ray out of the closet he was so quiet today I thought maybe he was taking a nap. Nope he wasn't, he was making all kinds of noise I guess I didn't here him over me and Sherri's moaning. A few minutes later I let Bobby John in from outside. He was cute I think he played zoo animals the entire time. He was walking around and making noises like a monkey. So I took the little tykes and put them in front of the TV to watch a little TBN in Bobby John found me and Sherri’s yellow dildo. He asked what it was and I told him it was a banana and you know what the little cutie did he pretended to eat it! LOL, precious! He asked me "Mommy, why does the banana taste funny?" So I took it from him and told that's just because it's greasy you know it's picked in South America! Anyway, that was my day.

My Minister Said...

2005-09-28T13:54:00.000-05:00

I want to talk about the evilness that has spread and how liberals are trying to infect our kids with their nasty propaganda and Satanist ideals.

1. Harry Pooter - My minister said that Harry Pooter is the devil. So don't let your kids read or watch this satanic propaganda. Only bad thing will happen.
2. Spongebong Gaypants - My minister said Spongebong Gaypants is a quire and it's only ok if women sleep with women. It's not okay men men sleep with men.
3. Blues Balls - Yeah bestiality that Steve loves his doggy just a little too much. My minister said Steve was the devil.
4. Dickolodeon - My minister said we should only watch TBN all other channels are the Devil.

Well that's all I can think of right now. My minister and his wife are comeing over for a three way and I need to get ready. I hope Billy Ray is a good little boy and keeps quiet in the closet.

Stall Talk

2005-09-28T11:57:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I was at McDonald's with my little hell raisers when I had to go to the potty. So I did what any good mommy does and told the little angels to go play outside while Mommy took a big ole shit. LOL. Any while I was on the pot I decided to call my pookie bear. Next thing ya know a lady comes in at joins me in the other stall. This woman had the nerve to try and talk to me! I couldn't believe it; this lady doesn't know we're in a restroom? I mean who talks to someone why they are taking a poo poo. Anyway, as I'm talking to pookie I hear this lady pee she must have really needed to go because it was really loud. After I'm finished I wipe my cute little ass and go to wash my hands and take an extra long time to see who this lady is, but she never comes out. I guess she really needed to go. Oh well I guess she just wanted some company!

My Family

2005-09-26T16:33:00.000-05:00

Here is our new family portrait. Isn't Billy Ray sooooo cute, he looks just like his daddy!

New Design Soon.

2005-09-26T09:48:00.000-05:00

Wow this is so exciting!