Love Thy Neighbor

I overslept today and almost forgot to give Pookie his goobye BJ this morning, so I ran out into the driveway in my nightie to do it. I saw my neighbor Becky walking her kids to the bus stop and freed up a hand to wave hello to her. I couldn't actually say hello, because my mouth was full of my long and hard Pookie. But that rude bitch did non even wave back. She just covered her kids eyes and rushed past like she didn't even know us.

The BJ took a little longer than normal because it has been getting cold at night, so Pookie had a little further to go this morning...tee hee. So I was just finishing him up when Becky walked back past our driveway and you know what she said to me? She yelled "You stupid whore. What is wrong with you? Everybody knows you've been with practically every guy in town." And I said "You dirty cunt. I am not a whore. I do it for free. And I have been with every guy in town, including your puny husband." I was not trying to be mean or ugly when I called her a dirty cunt. Her husband told me she really is. That's where he got the venereal warts from. I put him on my DNF (Do Not Fuck) list for awhile. Warts are icky.

Anywho, I just can't figure out why my neighbors hate me so much...well, my female neighbors. All the men around here seem to really lick, I mean like me.

Tootaloo...my friend asked me to go do BJ's with her and some friends. I wonder if she means blow jobs, or BJ's, like Sam's Club. Whatever, it sounds like fun!

Lesson Learned

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but I just couldn't seem to keep my fingers on the keyboard lately. I don't know what has cum over me. I guess I'm just a horny little housewife, that's all.

Yesterday, the Minister and his wife Sherri came over for our weekly Bible study. The minister likes for me and Sherri to wear our naughty schoolgirl uniforms when he cums over to teach us stuff. Silly me, I forgot to take off my panties before he came over. So when I bent down in front of the Minister, he noticed I still had on my panties and said he had to punish me.

So Sherri ripped my panties off with her mouth and then I stood in front of the minister who was seated on the sofa. He told me to spread my legs real wide then bend over right in front of him, so Sherri could paddle me. He said Sherri wasn't banging me hard enough with the paddle, so he had to do it.

Oooooooooh, he was right. Because if your legs are spread real wide like that without panties on and you get spanked hard enough it vibrates your clit enough to give you an orgasm. The only thing better than that was when the minister gave it to me real hard from behind. Mmmmmm I think I've learned my lesson for the day.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The Master Baiter

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days, but I've been really busy. Our house has been over run with cockroaches. This is the only kind of cock that I do not love all over me. Bobby John told me there were bugs crawling in his cereal and I told him to shut the hell up and eat his Raisin Bran, because I was giving his father a blow job goodbye. I mean, a goodbye kiss is so mundane. Plus, I want him to have a reason to want to come home right after work, right?

So, I called the bug guy to come over. He told me that he had the best product to get rid of bugs. It is called the master baiter. I said, hey I ordered one of those from that slumber party the other night. Too bad it didn't come in the mail yet. And wouldn't you know it, I have THE BEST LUCK! The doorbell rang and it was the UPS man. He had my slumber party package. I asked him to come inside so I could make sure it worked before he left, in case I needed to return it.

Oh yes, my hummingbird vibe. Damn, it didn't come with batteries. Hey Bobby John bring me your stupid Tellytubbies toy, so I can use the batteries from it. Who cares if it's your favorite toy...this is MY favorite toy. Now take your brother and go upstairs so I can get down to business.

That bug guy kept wanting to go out to his van to get his master baiter, but I wanted him to use mine. I told him it wouldn't take long with my hummingbird, especially if each of them sucked on my tits a little while I used it.

Ohhhhhh, it was a yummy hummmmy-ingbird. They would have been on their way, but that stupid kid came down stairs and told them about my BJ goodbye for daddy this morning, and they each wanted one, too. I kind of felt obligated, like tipping for good service, I guess.

So I sucked the bug guy high and dry. Then the UPS man got so hot watching me in action that he wanted more. I told him I was still sore from all the bronco riding I did with Pookie and his brothers over the weekend. So he said how about a titty fuck then? Nothing like a good titty fuck to get you UP in the morning, huh? I know the UPS man thinks so!

Slumber Parties

My friend Layla invited me to a slumber party last night. I told her I did not have a sleeping bag, but she said I did not need one. Silly, I never heard of going to a slumber party without a sleeping bag.

Anyhoo, I got dressed in my see through baby doll nightie and thong panties because I recall that if you do not dress up, then they put your panties in the freezer after you fall asleep. And I certainly do not want to get frigid.

When I arrived, I discovered that Slumber Party was a company that sells sex toys and lotions and stuff. This was just like a Tupperware party, only better. I asked the sales woman if Layla and I could take some of the products upstairs so we could try before we buy. Now, this is not something I would do with just any of my friends. But Layla is so gorgeous and sexy. She is Hawaiian and has smooth silky skin that always smells like coconut. I have always wondered if she tasted like coconut, too.

We started out with the bosom buddy. Layla rubbed this on my nipples and it makes them stay hard, even after she licked and sucked it all off. Layla was a little bit nervous because she had never done anything like this before. But then I peeled her clothes off and tried the edible finger paint on her, and she liked it. I rubbed it all over her body and then slowly licked it off. And she did taste like warm creamy coconut.

She really liked it. She liked it so much that her husband Derrick heard us and came upstairs. He was so shocked that his straight-laced goodie goodie wife was naked on the bed with me licking and kissing her from head to toe.

I asked him if wanted to join us for a three way. He tore his clothes off so fast he actually tripped on them. I tried not to laugh because I did not want him to lose his hard on. So then he laid on the bed and Layla sat on his face so she and I could still kiss and I was about to ride him hard. But then I remembered that we were supposed to be trying out the slumber party products.

So I rummaged through the pile we had brought upstairs and put the double trouble cock ring on him. Oh, man. I know I have heard somewhere that if you ride a horse the right way, you can have an orgasm. Well, Yippee-kiy-a cowboy. I came so loud and so hard that all the other girls came upstairs to see what was going on.

You know, slumber parties can be a lot of fun. But sometimes you end up being up all night. I know Derrick was.

How Promiscuous Are you?

I got this quiz from dear Jane. I was sad that I did not score 100%, so I invited over the Minister to help me pray about it. I am down on my knees with him right now praying about how to do better with my wifely duties. A christian woman's work is never done.

I am 96% Promiscuous.

I am never satisfied. I spend most of the time getting some or figuring out how to get some. It's why we were put here. Something that feels that good should done often and for long periods of time.

Take the
Promiscuous Test
@ FualiDotCom

Lickety Split

Pookie invited over all his brothers for dinner last night so we could try out our new George Foreman grill. I had planned on serving a cherry tart for dessert, but my friend Sally came over earlier in the day, and we just ate it all up. So, after dinner Pookie said, we can play a game called banana split. Ooooohh, I love games. So Pookie had me get undressed and lie down on the dining room table. He blindfolded me and tied my arms and legs to each of the chairs and he said they could all make banana splits on me and eat them off. But Pookie, we do not have any bananas left. Do you want me to run to the store to get some more? Oh no he said, we can improvise.

It was hard for me to tell which brother was which, with the blindfold on. But now I definitely know which one is the big brother. Tee hee. So they first scooped the ice cream on me. It was so cold and creamy, especially between my thighs. Yummy! Next came the marshmallow and caramel sauce. I sure am glad I had that Brazilian wax done this week, or this could be quite a sticky, icky mess. They tried putting that chocolate sauce that turns into a hardened shell, but I guess I was too hot and it wouldn,t get hard.

So, Pookie had the brilliant idea to drop a bucket of crushed ice on my tits. That chocolate sauce (and lots of other things) got hard real fast. Next came the bananas. Ok, one in my mouth, one up my ass and one you know where. But wait Pookie, I thought there were four of you Alsex boys. Pookie said his little brother Peter was videotaping, so we could watch it at their next family reunion. That Pookie is so smart, thinking ahead like that.

Anyhoo, the last thing we needed was the whipped cream. And then finally, it came, and came and came. All in my mouth, all over my tits and I think some even landed on the wall behind me. I sure am glad my house-cleaning boy Pedro is coming over tomorrow.

Banana splits sure can get messy. But boy oh boy are they delicious!

Bitter Pills

Little Billy Ray was sick this week. Well, I think he has been sick for a few months, but he started looking a little blue. And with his skin pigmentation problem, he just did not look good. So when I got him into the doctors office, I stripped from the waist down like I always do when I bring the kids to see their pediatrician. I do not know, the doctor said it helps him to diagnose the kids better when he can examine where they came from.

I guess he likes to take a careful history. And if this doctor is one thing, it is thorough. I do not care that he received his mail order medical degree from Jamaica and is not legally allowed to practice medicine in 47 states of the union, nor that he has 17 pending lawsuits for sexual harassment. He is a good, hard working doctor. And I can spot a good doctor when I see one.

Anyway, since he was down there going to town I told him that I have been feeling this burning sensation down there in my private parts. So he unlocked the door and turned the lights back on to take a good look and he kind of backed away and washed his hands and mouth real good. I do not know what he saw, but he said that I should not bring the kids in to see him until I finish this bottle of pills. I grabbed the pills and went home.

When I got home, I read the bottle and it said take one by mouth two times a day. My Goodness. Do you know how long it is going to take me to finish off the neighborhood men if I have to do it by mouth, and only one at a time? What if I don,t finish them off before Pookie gets home? Well, I guess in a pinch, he can help me out like he has in the past, but still.

A womans work is just never done.

Silly Sally

The kids had off from school today, so my friend Sally brought over her two munchkins so we could try out her new recipe for sugar cookies. Sally and I wanted to make sure the kids did not get burned on the hot oven, or interrupt us when we were licking the frosting off of each other, so we stuck all four of them in the playpen. They had a great time.

Anyhoo, we got out the ingredients and started mixing them up and I had the silly idea that I could use the frosting to make a bikini. Next, I took off all my clothes and spread the frosting real thick. It was peppermint frosting and it felt cool and tingly. But all the sudden we heard the doorbell ring, and we did not want to get caught being naughty so I said Sally, be a dear, and lick all the frosting off me.

That Sally is such a good friend. So all the licking, and rubbing and kissing got us pretty hot, but I wanted more. But I knew that my secret stash of sex toys was all the way upstairs and I did not want to leave to go get them in case one of the kids got out of the playpen and got burned on the stove. See what a good mommy I am? Just then, Sally and I made an amazing discovery. Did you know that if you use some Crisco to lube it up real good, you can use a rolling pin to do the job? Mmmmm what a good hard job it did.

But we were so into what we were doing, that we let the cookies burn in the oven. Tee hee. I said do not worry I will go to the bakery and buy us some if you stay here with the kids. I left in such a rush, and was distracted from all the foreplay, that when I got to the bakery, I realized I had forgotten my purse. Harry the baker man said do not worry honey, we can make some arrangement. How many cookies do you need? I answered, Just a dozen please. So I paid Harry 12 times and afterward I said, I just cannot decide if I like sucking or fucking better. So Harry gave it to me one more time and I decided I like fucking better. I guess I got a bakers dozen on that trip. LOL

When I got back home, it was just about time for Pookie to come home and enjoy his dessert. That Sally, she can come over any time to help me get things done in the kitchen. And I have just one word for her cookies delicious!

My New iPod.

So yesterday I bought me an iPod and had Pookie put together my iPod Shuffle. I'm in LOVE! Why didn't you guys tell me what I've been missing not having been a part of the iPod generation until now? My first outing with it was this morning as I walked from the garage to the dumpster to take out the trash. I've not worn earphones and ambulated at the same time since the advent of the Sony Walkman. Yeah, my powers of paying attention to where I'm going were a bit compromised, but I didn't hurt anyone too badly. Also, despite what you may have heard, I was not even close to getting run over when I walked out in front of that car, it was all exaggerated. You know what car I'm talking about the one who goes TOO FAST. Since being initiated into the Cult of iPod, I have been acutely more aware of the other members, heeheehee, and the toys that they have for theirs. heeheehee. I have toys for my Pookie member. Anyway, I've been busy looking for accessories since: a. I am oh so very stylish like that, and b. it's really small, so I need to PIMP it out so I can find it. I decided a quick trip to the projects would have just the right kind of BLING for my little iPod. A nice man on the corner offered to be my pimp, but I declined his generous offer and he sold me some cheap BLING. Now I have an iPodizzle! When I got home my husbands little brother was on the coach eating Cheetos again and he asked me what the hell I needed an iPod for. I told him it's an iPodizzle stupid and if he was going to continue to watch porn and eat Cheetos his dick would turn orange! He told me that's what my mouth was for and to get to it. What an ass! So later that night while brushing the orange out of my teeth, I got to thinking, I’m just a cute techy mommy!

Child Labor

So I bribed the kids into picking up cigarette butts in the front yard. A WHOLE penny per cigarette butt. Bobby John got 98 cents and Billy Ray got 35 cents. I even managed get 45 cents. ;)

And most importantly, some of the butts still had a few drags in them!

Easy Like Sunday Morning?

I got soooo much done yesterday. I did all my laundry, cleaned up the dungeon, the kitchen, bathroom, playroom, living room, swept the kitchen and vacuumed EVERYTHING! And I had dinner all ready and waiting in the oven for my little Pookie Bear! so I could invite Sherri over, go pick up Bobby John from day care and we could all go to AutoZone and spend some time together just browsing. Then we could eat when we got back home. So right around the time I was getting ready to call Sherri, Pookie's little brother rings the doorbell. So he comes in. I call Pookie and say.

Honey, did you know your brother's here? Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you he was coming over.

So, I've been just, like sitting here for a few hours with my Pookie's little brother waiting for Pookie to get home. No Sherri or anything today. Then he called and said he wouldn't be home until SIX, so that pretty much shoots my plan to go to NAPA with the kids and spend time with Bobby John. Why the heck would I drag the kids out in the dark cold night? So I gave Pookie's little brother a quick blowjob while waiting for my husband to come home. The life of a housewife is always unpredictable, but I hate it when my plans get spoiled!!

Some people hate me I need a hug.

Poor little me was kicked out of Bog Explosion today for profanity! As you can see from my earlier posts there is absolutely no profanity on my little bloggie. I even put asterisks in what the NASCAR racer said with his filthy little mouth. We all know what the real reason is. Someone doesn't like me. I can't believe that when I'm such a lovable and huggable person. Even my mentor thinks my site is humorous. My site is designed after her's not for hate, but for love. She is just the best little mommy out there and she can practice giving me mouth to mouth anytime she wants too. I dont know why her little sister hates me. She is so scrumptious with her little piercing. I wonder if she has any other piercings? Are you a naughty little hip mommy?